I love epi’s, first time hiccups, and how you can save a life

Bella had a rather, well, long birth. Her story on getting here was full of ups and downs. Today I’m sharing it with you in hopes of raising awareness for Embrace.

(Full disclosure so you won’t worry if I’m trying to sell you something: I’m not being paid or receiving any type of compensation for this. Awareness for this important cause only.)

I went into pre-term labor at 31 weeks. I was placed on modified bed rest – which basically meant I couldn’t do housework, heavy lifting, or any exercise. I was thrilled for several reasons; I had permission not to do anything all day, and Bella didn’t appear that early.

At 34 weeks I started contracting again and was placed on strict bed rest. Which meant:

  • bathroom
  • shower
  • bed/couch laying down with my feet propped

I was 90% effaced and 1cm dilated at that point, which had everyone terrified. I was already tired of sitting around all day – so having to lay on the hideabed pulled out from our couch was torture. Sam packed me a cooler each morning before work and rented me tons of movies and library books.

I thought I was going to go insane – but I had The Bump and my ladies on there. ::fist pump::

At exactly 37 weeks, a Friday, I woke up to contractions again. Once more, I went to the Dr., who confirmed I was now 100% effaced and 2cm dilated, and told me to pack my bags. I did – and since I was no longer at bed rest because I was considered full term, I also cleaned my entire house and scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees.

It worked.

That night I had painful contractions, and by the next morning I was laying on my big yoga ball praying for sweet relief. I went until 4:00pm like that, then called the Dr. at 5 minutes apart, and Sam to come home from work.
On the way there, I remember thinking, “This is painful but I can handle it. I’m going to go natural” – which had been my plan all along.

::dies laughing at my naivety::

3 hours in and I was begging someone for an epidural. The fact that I was STILL at 2cm wasn’t encouraging. I thought I was going to die. Or rip in half. Either sounded better than another contraction. I was screaming at anyone who came in and poor Sam was at his wits end. Also – I wasn’t breathing right and my blood pressure and heart rate were climbing way too fast.

I finally got one and considered taking a second husband in the form of that man who did it – but sufficed with a thank you.

I was checked right after the epi and found that I went from a 2 to a 7 in an hour. Oh yes my friends. If you’ve had a baby, you know that equals some major pain.

At 9pm, four hours after being admitted, I started to push. And push. And push. Some poor nurse stuck on duty that night had the really wonderful job of, ahem, stretching me. Down there. :/ Yeah. I bumped into her in the post office a few weeks later and it was slightly awkward. But she was a real champ.

At 12am I was still pushing, exhausted and her head was stuck. My contractions had slown, so they asked about Pictocin. I would have accepted 409 being pumped into me at that point to get it over with.

So much for “The Business of Being Born” being my go-to guide.

At 12:30 my Dr. looked me square in the eye and said, “I know we talked about no episiotomy, but you can either push for at least another hour or I can cut and we’ll have her out in 5 minutes.”

“Hack it up!” I yelled.

A few minutes later, I felt the most enormous sense of relief and a feeling of complete bliss. I asked crying, “Is she really a girl?” because at that point we had so much pink and her name on everything, it would have been a shock for a little boy to come out.

My Dr. nodded and handed Bella to me, who was purple. I remember saying, “Oh, hi love!” and bursting into tears and then sobbing, “She’s all purple!”

They assured me it was normal, but after oxygen didn’t work they whisked her away for a few minutes to warm her and get her breathing normal.

The other day I stumbled upon this on my camera – she was about 2 or 3 hours old at the time.

This is so dear to me because she hiccuped all the time inside of me, against my hip bone, and I would press up against Sam at night so he could feel it. These are her very first outside hiccups.

This brings me to the reason for this post today. Over 20 million babies are born with a low birth weight or premature each year. Embrace is a company that produces infant warmers for developing countries called the Embrace Infant Warmer.

Acting like a sleeping bag, this low cost device is made to save thousands of lives from babies that develop hypothermia because they are unable to regulate their body heat. Even room temperature can be freezing to these little ones, and incubators are often too expensive for rural hospitals to afford. Embrace is non profit organization and needs to raise 1.5 million to help these babies.

To learn more, donate money, or to purchase a $25 tribute card in someone’s name (pic on left), please visit Embrace’s website.
Read the birth stories from the other women blogging on this today:

http://www.momstart.com/
http://www.thelittleheartsproject.blogspot.com/
http://www.sproutreviews.com/

Please consider retweeting this to spread the word about Embrace:

Thank you to Sarah from Sprout Reviews for putting this together!

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

There are some things I don’t ever blog about – mainly because they’re so private or too much for me to write on.

But today I wanted to at least keep a memory of what happened.

My best friend lives where we are moving to. If you remember from my old posts, she and I have known each other since we were 6. She moved near to me 2 1/2 years ago after 16 years of not seeing her. We got pregnant right around the same time, and have driven hundreds of miles to see each other over the years. I knew when we moved we would raise our kids together and they’d be best friends too.

Today she came up with her son to say goodbye. Her husband got a job back east where they are closer to family. They are moving next week.

We took my mom to lunch, talked about our blogs and about all of you :) , shared memories, and then she had to go.

I promised her I wouldn’t have a meltdown. Again.

I lied.

So we hugged and as she pulled out of the driveway I was already crying, thinking of the time when I was 8 and I left her in her driveway as she waved goodbye to me.

I hate goodbyes, I hate changes like this. I hope Bella never has to tell her best friend goodbye, especially twice – but I know that’s life. It just sucks. She is a wonderful friend. And of course, I didn’t get to say what I had planned.

So I wasn’t able to tell you through my tears and trying to not burst into uncontrollable sobbing, but I love you too. And I will miss you, and what could have been, more than you will ever know

Trying not to freak out.

I’m really trying. However, I might.

I’m so stressed out. SO. STRESSED. OUT.

I feel like crawling into bed and staying there till the house burns down and we get the insurance money to buy a new one and won’t have to short sale and ruin our credit sells. We had a house showing yesterday – nothing. So frustrating.

I have started to pack – but for what? And where?

Sam has to have somewhere to live when he starts his new job – but if the house doesn’t sell we’re faced with 2 housing payments. Since we can’t buy another till this sells, it’d have to be an apartment.

We have 4 cats. Try convincing a landlord that’s going to be a good thing.

Which means I’d probably have to live here with Bella for a while and Sam would come home on weekends. :( Not the end of the world, but not the greatest plan.

Then there’s:

  • me finding a job to afford a new home
  • buying another car for a job which decreases available credit to buy a house
  • unpacking while working
  • figuring out Sam’s and my schedule along with daycare
  • finding a daycare :(
  • dealing with not so great credit after this house sells as a short sale
  • having multiple head explosions in the process

On top of that, Bella has decided to not take naps – or at least anything over 30 minutes. Although she is sleeping through the night so there’s a plus. She has been SO cranky the past few days.

It’s hard for me to think all day long, “Pretty soon it won’t be like this anymore. Someone else will be watching her/feeding her/putting her down for naps/changing her/kissing her.” I can’t think about it. I know I’ll only have to work part time but it still kills me. I love being at home with her.

Ah, to be rich. Or just really money savvy.

I think it’s too many unknowns. Too many things up in the air that have a million different solutions – yet each solution comes with another set of problems.

On top of that, I tend to overanalyze things. Surprise! I bet you had no idea about that. ;)

::runs off to pack/clean/torture myself with “if only’s” and try not to go insane::

I might not make it.

Yesterday I wrote the post, “You might not make it.” I thought your responses were amazingly honest and candid. I wanted to talk on a few of them. If you see the red dot – it’s the part of the post that really struck me.

Tiffany from Mom-Nom made me nod my head in agreement. Dooce wrote a post once on haters that made me think about what she must go through every day with people that hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen and seethe in jealousy.
I remember reading Blair’s PPD confession and someone saying (paraphrasing), “You should have told us instead of pretending everything was fine, why do you have to lie?” Um, last time I checked – it’s her blog. And no where does it say once you have followers you have to fillet your inner soul as soon as something happens to you in life to keep it real. That comment made me think, “It must be tough to have so many followers that they feel you owe them something.”
After coming to terms with the fact that at one point Blair at The Heir to Blair had no readers :) I thought about what she had said. That’s a scary thing to do once you know people are following you. It’s hard to blog openly and pretend like no one is going to read it.
There are certain things I write that at times I hesitate and think, “Should I say this?” But since the beginning, my blog has been read by family and friends, so I’ve gotten comfortable with the fact that by now, each person who knows me also understands that I pee in the shower. (Disclaimer: In my shower only. So I’m still ok to stay the night at your house.)
Confession time – I mention Dooce here and there in my posts, but like Amy from Somebody’s Parents I’ve only read her once or twice. Honestly, when I first got on Twitter and saw her, I thought she was Lance Armstrong’s sister or something. True story. I had no idea who she was. I’m sure she’s really funny and a great blogger, but I’ve never gotten into her. I think it’s the 10 years of blogging thing that overwhelms me. Where do you start? That’s a lot of history to catch up on.
Which I understand – Sarah from Sprout Reviews offers thoughts/reviews on products on her blog. If people didn’t read or weren’t interested – why would she keep going? She offers a type of service (and the products she finds are great).
Basically I had a mini stroke when I logged on this morning and saw this comment from Scary Mommy – whom I adore. Also, this comment totally made me sigh with relief because I was beginning to think I was the only one of you all that felt this way.
I edited this down because the comment was too long to fit, but the last part was what I wanted to write on. You know, finally. :)
Let me share something with you. When I was little, and even older, I wrote and told stories. I used to type them up or write them in a notebook and as soon as I was done – guess what I would do? The same thing any child does that accomplishes something in life – I showed my parents. I made them read it and tell me what they thought.
I told stories to my siblings and all my nanny kids, and the best part was when they would die laughing, repeat part of it to their friends, or beg me to tell the rest.
Sound familiar?
Those people were my commenter’s. I got my reassurance, validation, and pats on the back from them. I feel like when you do something in life that you love, you want to be noticed. You want to be discovered. You want someone to say, “Yep, I feel the same way.”
So here’s my thoughts – if in 3 years I am where my blog is today – yes, I will be disappointed. Not because I blog strictly for feedback or pats on the back or to get noticed. But because I love to write, and if nothing changes, that means that the thing I love doing doesn’t really affect people. Not that it wouldn’t affect faithful, long time readers – just that it wouldn’t be the type of blog that gains any new interest.
My words might not be as meaningful as I want them to be. At that point, I might reevaluate what I’m doing. I might make my blog private to avoid getting bitter, or start keeping a different kind of blog. I don’t know that I would stop writing altogether, but I would change my direction. I’d try to figure out what I was doing wrong. I’d also see if my blogging was more of a, “OMG please comment!” than a honest look at my life and thoughts. If so – I would stop writing for a while.
If I didn’t want to know what you thought, I wouldn’t have a public blog. If I didn’t care what you thought, I wouldn’t be on Twitter and your blogs investing time in getting to know you. I don’t have aspirations to be the next big thing, but if nothing changed at all, the little girl in me would be upset.

You might not make it.

In Blogging. You might not make it.

Many of us have different reasons for why we blog. A lot of the time, I read about women who want to be the next big thing – or at least have a really popular mom blog.

Then there’s more comments, more traffic, more publicity.

Bigger Twitter numbers. Speaking at blogging conferences. Being offered a book/magazine publication.

What if it never happens? What if your numbers stay about the same, even if you blog consistently for the next few years? What if you don’t get more comments, if you go to conferences and no one really knows who you are, if you only write for yourself?

Will you be ok with that? Will you stop blogging and focus on something else? Keep going?

Let’s face it – we can’t, and aren’t, all going to be like Dooce. So then what? Where does that leave you? What will you do if this happens – if you wake up one day 3 years into this and are exactly where you are right now? Do you love writing enough to do it anyway, or will you tell yourself, “This isn’t my thing, not my gift, and that’s ok.”

I’m curious as to what you think about this.

Life Lately in Pics

Here’s what we’ve been up to the past few weeks:
At the park for one of our summer festivals, I’m working on the white legs so shield your eyes.

We hung out with my sister who got to get in some quality Bella time. The sunglasses were funny because Bella gets so still when they are put on her. It’s like she’s on a different planet. A dim one. Also, it was fun just to relax, have a beer, and eat some amazing food.
Bella is learning how to use a sippy cup and where her thumb is. She can also sit like a champ now.
Hippie land at it’s finest. But it was a blast. They had tye dye onesies and I so wish I had bought Bella one. There is a huge rafter/kayak contest that goes on during these 4 days. The danger sign is because the sign tells where I live. I love you all, but, you know. Crazies. :/
We took Bella to the zoo with her cousins. The ostrich came right up to the fence and she was in heaven. This picture is one of my very favorites.
I met up with a dear childhood friend I haven’t seen in 5 years, and her adorable daughter who is 14 months. We had lunch and I realized how much I miss her, and how alike we still are in many ways. Even though she is probably the smartest person I have ever met. They might be moving near us in the future – fingers crossed!
It’s so funny how I always hesitate on putting pictures of myself on here because I always think, “I will when I lose more weight or when I get to make myself look better than being all hot and sweaty.” But I never care on your blogs – I always love to see pics of you guys and maybe it’s the same way? I don’t give a second thought to what you’re wearing or how thin you are. I love seeing your babies – but let’s face it – I see them most of the time. Your pics are what’s interesting to me, because I’m reading about you.
One thing I would love to get advice/feedback on is your method on packing.
- Do you do it all in a few days?
- Over a period of time?
- Does everything go into whatever box it fits in or do you pack room by room?
- What about packing for Bella? We can’t even go on an overnight trip without packing a ton – what should I box up and what should I leave out?
You’d think after moving as much as I have I’d have it down to a science but I’m always looking for a more efficient way.