2010 July

When you separate

July 22, 2010 by Diana 13 Comments

it isn’t always forever. Sometimes you just have to get away from each other for a while.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that last night I tweeted about leaving Sam and going to my parents with Bella at like 11pm.

Because I know how to keep it classy like nobody’s business.

It all fell apart after a great trip to the place we’re going to live. After finding out that pretty much everyone in the community is AP (attachment parenting), eco friendly, and we live in a very SAHM area, Sam and I were in 7th heaven.

We found the perfect apartment (no on the house – we can’t and even if we could, we might move in another year), signed a lease, died over how quiet and kid friendly our new neighborhood is, and then left for home. We talked of no more lawn maintenance, no more repair on things, a pool, a gym, a flippin’ movie theater (I know, this place is amazing).

But, our current housing situation kept looming over us. How were we going to pay rent and a mortgage until the house sold? It’s been on the market for 3 1/2 months now – how long can we try to swing both payments for? We both got more edgy as time passed in the car.

Then when we got home, Sam went to get Bella’s reflux meds for the next month. $200. We got a notice of a bill due to the Dr, and another from Children’s Hospital with more on the way. I realized we have a deposit, rent, and mortgage all due on the first of next month.

It was too much.

We started bickering, then arguing about the stupidest things possible. “The Dr. recommended soy and we don’t feed Bella soy, but you didn’t say anything to him so does that mean you think we should?” I mean, lame-o things that had no point in being discussed.

So then it got to the point where both of us were so worked up, stressed out, and not communicating in any way except yelling, pointing fingers, and interrupting, I finally left. I woke up Bella, got in the car, and drove off.

I went to my parents and spent the night. They were gracious enough to listen to me sob for an hour about the financial mess we can’t get out of. It’s like every time we turn around – it’s another bill.

Another surprise.

Another disaster.

I know part of it is just life, but it seems like we can’t ever get ahead.

Sam called me about an hour after I left, and we started really talking about life together. How much we loved each other, how a mortgage wasn’t worth sacrificing our marriage over, how Bella needed better than us fighting about a place we’re not even going to be living in 3 weeks from now.

We agreed to focus on the future together, not the past. When we move, we do the best we can until we simply…can’t. Then we’ll go from there. We made a promise not to drag the mess that is this place into our new home – somewhere we are both excited to live and begin a new life.

On a fun note, we have a darling 2 bed, 2 bath - 10 square feet less than our current home - waiting for us. It’s in a quiet area with a gorgeous mountain view, a perfect neighborhood for a young family.

Farmer’s markets, small locally owned shops, yoga, big parks, museums, the zoo – all within walking distance or just a few minutes of us. We can stay with one car because Sam is so close to work (and I actually will get the car during the day!). Our rent is less than our mortgage, our bills are less – just moving saves us $600+ a month. Yeah – crazy.

I’ll be working part time taking 1-2 kids a few days a week that are close to Bella’s age. Surprisingly, I’m actually really excited about this, as she’s beginning to show a huge interest in other kids and socializing. I can set my own hours, days, and holidays – and I’ll make enough for us to live comfortably while paying off student loans. I’m pumped to have a paycheck again while being with my baby all day long.

Also? Thanks for all the Twitter love. You guys are so sweet – it blew my mind to log on an hour after tweeting about leaving and have like 78 people send their concern and love. <3

Filed Under: Home, Marriage, Moving, Stress · Tagged With: Changes, Cranky, Frustration, New and Improved, Real life

Backseat Caller

July 21, 2010 by Diana 7 Comments

Yesterday I put an ad in the paper for our birds, because we decided that the stress of moving several times in the next few years would be too much on them.

I got so many calls, but the best ones were from about 3 or 4 kids, boys and girls, who were probably all under 10. Here’s how each of them basically went:

Me: “Hello?”

Child in a shy voice: “Hi.” (Mom whispers loudly in background, “Say, ‘Hello, my name is ——- and I’m calling about your birds.’ Nice and clear, don’t mumble.”)

This is dutifully repeated to me in a loud monotone voice.

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we actually already have someone taking them.”

Child covering phone, “She said they’re gone already Mom!” (“Then say, ‘Thank you for letting me know, have a nice day!’ “)

Child: “Thank you, ok, um, yeah,” ::covers phone speaker:: “What else Mom?” (“Have a nice day.”)

Child, sullenly: “Oh, have a nice day.”

Me: “Same to you! Thank you for calling. Bye!”

Child as the phone is being hung up: “I really wanted a bird Mom, that’s not fair…” (Mom, “Shhhhh, for goodness sake, hang up the phone…”)

Click.

Every.single.phone call.

Cracks me up.

Filed Under: Moving ·

They can’t eat you.

July 20, 2010 by Diana 9 Comments

So last night I laid in bed and tossed and turned trying to figure all out – wallowing in my own sadness over so much. Our house, moving, leaving behind family and friends.

Suddenly, my dads’ voice popped into my head, “They can’t eat you.”

The other day I was talking to him about our move, how nothing seemed to be going right; from the short sale to finding a new place to live. I was sulky and whining. He looked at me, and said, (he’s a psychologist) “Honey, they can’t eat you. You might lose your home, you might lose it all. You may have to live somewhere crappy for a while. But you and Sam are healthy, so is Bella – a lot of people have much bigger things than a credit score to worry about. That’s nothing compared to Bella being sick, Sam losing his job. They might take all but they can’t eat you, they can’t eat Sam, or Bella.”

I giggled and knew what he meant, but what he was trying to say didn’t hit me fully.

Last night, laying there with all the stress compounding on me, it finally sank in.

This isn’t the end of the world. I’m not going to die because the house might not sell. We just give back to the bank, take a hit on our credit and keep rolling. We have each other, we are looking at cute apartments in the city, I don’t have to go back to work right away – it’s not that bad. I can’t change (or control) what’s happening – and believe me, I’m giving it my best shot – so I need to let go.

I’ve changed my outlook. Am I still sad? Yes, because I will miss my home and family. But this move isn’t the end of the world, nor should be controlling my life and emotions the way it has been.

As I lay in bed writing this, a healthy, happy Bella plays next to me. Sam is sleeping because it’s his day off from a job that pays our bills. I get to be at home and watch my daughter grow up. We love each other.

No matter what happens with this move, we’re a family. It will be ok. Good or bad credit, house or no house. They can’t eat us.

Filed Under: Moving, Stress, Thankful ·

I lied. And I’m tired of locating things.

July 19, 2010 by Diana 6 Comments

This was supposed to be a happy post. Last time I said I needed to do one of those. Oh well. It’s my blog and I’m feeling anything but cheerful. I’m not unhappy – just overwhelmed and frustrated.

I feel like running outside and screaming into a vast space where no one can hear me and think, “Good heavens, is someone being murdered? Is there a cat being run over?”

Only I can’t do that. So I blog. Now that you’ve all clicked off the page in search of happier, more exciting posts, I will pour out my thoughts on here:

This house needs to sell.

Why in the world do we have 4 cats?

I don’t want to live in an apartment, which is great, because with 4 cats the chances of that are pretty slim.

So are the chances of renting someone’s home. Imagine trying to explain how many cats you have, “but it’ll be great!” No.

We talk many times a day about just both quitting our jobs, going on welfare, letting everyone else pay for all our stuff, having tons of babies for free, and laughing about it. Must be nice. (Never. Never would we do that.)

I don’t want to pack. Or unpack.

I have head explosions. Multiple times a day. Especially when I clean the entire house for a showing and they’re not interested.

I can’t believe I made a really great friend right before moving after 3 years of no friends here.

Our credit is going to be ruined and there is nothing I can do about it.

Alan Greenspan is on my hit list for what he did to the economy.

Also on my hit list? Our realtor. Hello? It’s been 2 months since we’ve heard from you. Yes, we’re short selling but it doesn’t mean we aren’t people in need of help selling a home.

My husband is currently looking for his sandals that he constantly misplaces and blames it on me. And guess who is being asked repeatedly where the sandals are right now? I don’t know. Don’t take them off in odd places.

I’m going to look for them…

OMG.

They are in the closet. I didn’t put them there, yet I am being blamed for placing them in the closet where he was unable to locate them. Because apparently, our closet is also some form of a black hole that consumes sandals.

::writes on hit list::

Crossing my fingers tomorrow is a much better day. In fact, someone took a flyer of our home today so maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a house showing.

::runs off to hide second pair of sandals for a little pick-me-up::

Filed Under: Marriage, Moving, Stress · Tagged With: Changes, Cranky, It won't be like this for long, Reasons to save for for therapy

Isn’t it ironic?

July 17, 2010 by Diana 5 Comments

You know how I’m always whining about not having any girlfriends that live close? That I never get to go out and do anything with Bella? That I’m lonely and bored?
So now that we’re moving, I’ve made a really awesome girlfriend that meets up with me for lunch on Fridays. Ironic bonus? Our husbands like each other too.
Also, I take the car (new readers – we sold the other to save money) about twice a week to go visit my parents.
The farmers markets are here so I take Bella to those. One is within walking distance.
Our house won’t sell now that we need it to really bad. Oh, and showings have stopped. When Sam didn’t have the transfer approved yet it was showing twice a week and we were kinda freakin’ out.
So yeah. Life is weird.
In my heart I know moving is the right thing. Because when winter hits here again I will be stuck inside all day with no income. But since summer is here and things are so perfect and ideal, it just makes it that much harder to move. I think about it all the time. My little house. My family. An amazingly sweet friend.
I’m sorry, why are we moving again?
Oh, that’s right. Money. And jobs. And so Bella doesn’t have to go grow up in this town full of gossip, horrible schools, and small town politics. And deal with the kids of the people I grew up with.
Wait, nevermind. I still want to move.
Who knows? Maybe my parents and my friend Mandy will all move closer to us one day.
Until then (no pressure guys) I’ll just enjoy the time I get with them and the spectacular summer we have here.

*note to self – happy post next time.

Filed Under: Home, Moving · Tagged With: Family, Friends

Advertising on the Blog

July 15, 2010 by Diana 11 Comments

As you may, or may not, have seen in the past few days, I’ve been playing around with advertising links on here.

To be very honest, I hesitated ever putting ads on my blog. For one, I want it to be MY space – where my thoughts and ideas pour out and aren’t determined by a product. Another reason was that I didn’t want you all to think you were some sort of “paycheck” for me by reading my stuff or by clicking on them.

However, since they aren’t paying me to promote their product, I don’t think about it. I certainly don’t think of you all like that, so I sincerely hope it won’t come across that way.

I have chosen companies whose standards and products I like, that I have either ordered from or know about from other moms, and that are in alignment with the things I talk about on here -

being more eco friendly
organic food/bath/clothing
baby stuff
cloth diapering
things for new moms

You won’t be seeing one for Viagra. Or a Power Chair from the Scooter Store.

I will only place ads that are relevant, usually offer free shipping, and have high quality products for different needs and age ranges. I won’t be going overboard with them – just a few here and there.

My hope is that one day my blog might bring us in some extra pocket money for the never ending expenses we seem to have – right now being Bella’s medical bills. I’m not looking for it to provide enough cash for a trip to the Bahamas. (Which I would kill for right now.)

So you can click or don’t – if you are evil, like I used to be, you can Google the company instead. But now I try to click if I’m interested, knowing a fellow blogger might have them on there for similar reasons as me.

Of course, if you have any questions, suggestions, etc about ads – let me know. I’m always open to helping you, or to ideas if you know what you’re doing and see I’m going about it all wrong.