Voice Immodulation Man

I’ve always thought Sam had a big voice – one of those that you have to say often, “Honey, I’m standing right here. There is no need to yell.” In which he repeatedly tells me he was not yelling or being any louder than me.

I beg to differ.

Since Bella was born, the one word in our home that’s overused and we’re both sick of hearing is “SHHHHH.” Because his voice is so loud, he wakes her up when he comes home at night. Or during nap. Or a car ride. So the first thing out of my mouth as he begins to talk and she’s asleep (or trying to be) is “SHHHHH!” He hates it.

Sam claims my “shhh’ing” is just as loud as his voice. However, I’ve told him it blends right in with her white noise machine, and his booming, “HEY COME HERE AND LOOK AT WHAT THE CAT DID” does not.

I’ve said many times I think he needs to get his hearing checked. I’m not trying to be evil, but his voice is really out of control, and it seems like even if he tries to lower it he can’t much.

Hence the nickname for him we both use and laugh over:

Voice Immodulation Man

Bella was at the Dr. the other day and they checked her for an ear infection. They used this nifty little device to pull out earwax so they could see clearly in there. (She didn’t have one.)


I could see Sam eyeing them up. He loves to itch in his ears (usually with a key which makes me so flippin nervous) so I figured he wanted one of those. The Dr. told us to take one, and he did. While I was buckling Bella back in the car, he was in the front playing around with it. Suddenly I hear him say, “Woah!”

He spun around in his seat with big eyes. “I just pulled a GIANT ball of wax out of my ear.” He tipped his head back and forth to listen to things, and I said, “Sounds great, please don’t show it to me.” I didn’t give it much thought.

While driving home, I began to think how quiet he was being. As in, talking quiet. His voice seemed almost…unnatural.

“Do you notice how low your voice is?” I asked.

He looked surprised. “I’m talking normally. This is how loud I usually am.”

I shook my head emphatically. “No, no way. Right now you are like 50 decibels softer than you usually are.”

“Maybe it was the earwax…” We both started laughing.

Only – it’s been a few days. And in that time, I’ve never said “SHHHH” once. Not one time. After a full year of living in paranioa of him waking Bella up from across the room with the door closed and her white noise on. He even notices a difference in how he hears things, although he’s trying to claim the part about his voice being lower just is me trying to prove my point.

Because I did.

Obviously we’ll be buying those nifty little devices in bulk.


  1. says

    ok, so I nabbed one of those the first time I saw it!! Now my kids totally love it! They think what I pull out of their ears is ‘waaaay cool’ and I would have totally been all over seeing what Sam pulled out!!

    • says

      It’s like one of those gross things that you can’t stop looking at. But seriously, I could not look at his. No way. Not and have lunch or dinner.

  2. cathy says

    haha! I thought you were kidding about doing this post……that’s funny. What do you do w/ that little thingy? Just stick it in your ear? It looks scary….

  3. Yoga Mama says

    So funny, especially since we have the opposite problem. My husband speaks very softly, it’s hard to hear him. He sometimes scares the daylights out of the kids because they have no idea he’s talking right behind them till they turn around.


  4. says

    I have got to get one!!! My husband is the SAME. He talks SO loud and constantly has trouble hearing me (claims I’m a low talker…no one else would agree with that). He cleans his ears with q-tips every day after his shower and my belief is he is actually pushing the wax in deeper, hence the hearing trouble!

  5. Jen says

    Okay, I get to be the Debby Downer here. But I foresee a punctured eardrum in the future. I’m a nurse, and I would never use an ear pick in my own ear, or someone else’e without an otoscope light to see what I’m picking at. If you want an immediate ear wash (big balls of wax and all) try this: 1 capful of hydrogen peroxide with about 1/4 cups water that is warm, but not hot. Make sure the water is not cold or you can have some serious issues. Lay down on your side and pour enough of the mixture in your ear canal for it to be “full.” Lay like that for about 10 minutes. Then sit up and hold a towel to your ear to catch the drainage. If you can actually visualize any wax, then you can use the ear pick to get it out, but don’t dig for anything. Works like a charm.

    • says

      I told Sam this last night. I was like, “Between what Jen wrote, the q-tips and the occasional key-in-the-ear, you should really do what she says before you puncture something.”

      He nodded and said what you wrote made perfect sense, only he liked that thing.


  6. says

    ROTFLMAO. I need one of these or something. Because I can’t hear anyone, I swear it’s all them but my kids insist it’s not.

  7. Siva says

    Now that’s funny. Also , the keys? Totally something my DH would do. He loves to itch inside his ears.