Part of me doesn’t want to blog anymore. After almost a year of it, I’ve realized how therapeutic it is, yet I feel myself trying to post things that won’t offend or hurt people’s feelings. This is my own fault. Sam reminded me yesterday that it’s my blog, I should be able to write what I want.
But I’m having a hard time doing that. There is an idea in my head of shutting this one down and starting an anonymous blog. Never telling anyone, just blogging for me. This is a very freeing thought.
On the other hand, it’s a saddening thought too. I’ve put a lot of time and emotion into my blog, and I do love it.
As 2010 draws to a close today, my blog is there as a story for me to look back on. But the past few months, I’ve noticed my posts becoming more benign and less about how I really feel about things. I write each post with the lurking question, “How can I say this and not make anyone mad?” And 99% of the time I never publish it.
So instead of starting over somewhere new, I’m starting over here.
My 2011 blogging resolution is to become a better blogger – following my heart as I write. I’m not out to be malicious or intentionally hurt anyone – but if someone gets offended over something I write I have to learn to let it go. I’m not doing any good to myself if I can’t blog about how life and my beliefs really are.
I plan on my blog becoming a strong voice for things I am passionate about. I know not everyone in my life or my readers will agree with me on things I post, but I do hope they will read to gain a different perspective or just to be entertained. If not, there are many other bloggers out there who do write on the things they believe in.
As a kind of pre-cursor to what I am turning the blog into, I’ll say that it’s going to define who I am and who I am still working on becoming -
- I am a Christian, but I am not a conservative.
- I am into natural parenting, but I trust my doctor on many issues.
- I am still struggling to find a way to balance those two main beliefs in my life with each other.
- I am an Army wife and support the troops 100%, but I have my doubts about this war.
- I struggle every day with how I feel about gay rights and how my upbringing says I should feel.
- I equally dislike Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olberman.
- I have a hard time taking a stand on an issue that I’ve never lived – like abortion for incest victims.
These are all issues and topics I want to blog on. And that I think on every day. I need to write them out, if only to begin to find a way to understand them better.
Am I looking forward to possibly getting hate mail or angry comments? No. But I’m also tired of sitting down to write and feeling as if I’m saying the same old thing over and over about being a mommy, wife, and blogger. My blog has become Pleasantville to me. It’s boring, and I don’t want a boring blog. So I’m ready to take what comes.
Saying goodbye to a wonderful, life changing 2010 and ready to live an interesting 2011…