It’s 5:30am. I can’t sleep. I’m so nervous that I gave myself heartburn. Lol. I never get that. Bella woke up with a night terror and it made me start to miss her so much it hurt. Then I had second thoughts.
“How can I go and leave her?”
“What if she thinks I’m gone forever?”
I know it’s only 5 days but she’s my baby. She and I have spent almost every minute together since she was born. The longest I’ve ever been away is for a few hours. In the 20 months of her life. And maybe this is good, maybe it will be good for both of us. But it still hurts to know she has to watch me walk away this afternoon and I can’t explain why or that I’ll be back.
I’m so thankful my mom flew out to be here last minute when our whole childcare schedule changed. (Thank you Army) I would be a total mess otherwise. She is amazing with Bella and I can relax knowing they’re having fun. She’s even doing cloth diapers (and washing them!) while she’s here. Pretty much my mom rocks. Plus she thinks BlogHer is the best thing ever.
Besides getting all teary over leaving my little girl, there is the fact that I am FREAKING OUT about leaving in like 9 hours for San Diego. I still have to try to cram a suitcase inside of a suitcase (hello swag) and grab snacks and make sure I have all my chargers and party invites and don’t wrinkle my clothes.
This trip will be the first time I’ve done something on my own since I went to India 8 years ago. I know – right? I am really excited. I can’t wait to meet everyone. But nervous. Very nervous. Mostly that I’ll do something stupid and never hear the end of it, or that I might end up on little to no sleep (and sleep is a must for me).
But I try to focus on how I have 3 amazing, excited roommates that I am going to squeeze the heck out of. And how much I’m going to learn. How I hope to come back with a strong grasp on writing and how to get out there with my work.
Not that you guys don’t rock. But comments don’t pay the bills. <3 As much as I love reading them. Pathfinder Day is tomorrow (ZOMG KATHERINE STONE & PIONEER WOMAN!!!) then actual BlogHer is Fri/Sat. And in between are parties galore. I don’t know if I can even put into words what I think it might be like. But know it’ll probably be so different from that. I’ll be blogging when I can about it – taking lots of pics. Hoping if you wanted to go you’ll be able to next year so we can meet. Or think about Blissdom ’12! You know, cuz I am… If I can ever leave Bella again. *sigh*