Ugh, it’s tough getting to the point where you’re just not sure what to do next. Good for you for recognizing your own weakness before it got to a point you really didn’t like!
Sara just wrote shame, shame go away

My mantra is no parent is ever perfect, no matter how hard we try. As long as your children can look back and KNOW you loved them, that’s all that matters. Praying for you lovely lady!!! Bella is a lucky girl to have a mama who cares so much, whether a blogging community will say it or not.

Bella’s lucky to have parents who think so much about how to give her the best crae they can. Don’t beat yourself up – she won’t remember.
My baby’s only 6months old, so we’re not at that stage yet, but like you I have a fiery temper and pray to be able to keep it in check – and yes, partly by being an attached Mum too.
You’re not alone in this, but we’re all novices. Good luck x

Oh, gosh that same thing has totally happened to me! Only it was that Aba grabbed a handful of my hair on the changing table… Ugh. I felt so horrible too. Having grown up in a very abusive home, I know I am biased when it comes to corporal punishment, and I know that what I did, what you did, what tons of mothers must have done at a point isn’t abuse. I know it doesn’t help, it didn’t make me feel any better. I just feel like there has to be a way, there has to be a way that we can raise children without spanking. I have to believe that. I have to believe that if just one parent just makes a tiny effort to become educated on child development and try something new, something other than spanking, the world really could be a better place. I know it’s hard, and no one will be perfect all the time.

I hope that a lot of people read this today, and check out that book.

-Totally Biased..

Been there, done that. Bought the ugly cry afterward t-shirt. It’s not a fun place to be. P and I have our hands full with a challenging (read smart) 6 yo and his almost 3 yo sister. She’s a much easier personality. He tests EVERYTHING; has since he was a baby. If you tell him something is off limits or too hard for him, he has to try anyway. ARGH.

We’re using http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com. In my past experience, books don’t stick for us, but that’s us. I hope this helps you. I know they have a whole series of those books that take you all the way to adulthood, practically. It would definitely be a blessing if this works out for you.
Beth just wrote Seasons of a Mother’s Heart: Chapter 2

I think no matter what your parenting style or belief that it’s important to feel comfortable with HOW to do things. Even if you do believe in spanking it’s important to have clear guidelines on what warrants one and what doesn’t. Because not everything is the same offense. And the same goes for any other parenting technique.

There’s no parenting guru. We’re all just trying to figure it out. And hope we don’t mess up our kids too much in the process!
Alena just wrote Week 2 of Project: Monday Makeover

I just want to give you a hug for this post.

I came from a family that spanked as part of discipline and always assumed that, when it was needed, I would too.

I’m married to someone who came from a abusive childhood, and while he has never been abusive, he does have anger/control issues. As a result, I’m trying to juggle what disciplinary measures are right for us. I feel like this age (2) is so tough, too.

I have no solutions, but I really just wanted to say I feel for you and hope you find what works right for your family.
Amber just wrote Monday Musings – Exploring Monte Alban and Fat Feet

Oh, lord, Diana, have I ever been where you are. Don’t worry about putting yourself out there for this because there are plenty of other mothers who’ve been there.

I hate corporal punishment and I can’t write about all the reasons why because my mom reads my blog and she practiced corporal punishment with me, and a lot of times it was straight out of anger. There was no stepping back to cool off period. I hesitate to call it abuse because I don’t think that was ever her intent, but it left me afraid of her. I don’t want that for Joshua.

Joshua is going CRAZY lately when we lay him down in the floor to change his diaper. He wants to scoot all over the place and doesn’t want us to hold his legs up. I pop his bare butt cheek to get his attention and when he makes eye contact with me, I say “No scooting!” And then I feel like a monster for a pop on the butt.

Is Positive Discipline the same thing as Positive Parenting? I’ve practiced some of the Positive Parenting techniques and I really, really love them.
Miranda just wrote Haunted

I want to echo all the other moms out there who are saying ‘don’t beat yourself up about this.’ We ALL do things that we perceive to be parenting mistakes. And what’s important is not what others think, but how your actions tie into the parenting philosophy and strategies that you and your husband have chosen.

In our family, we spank. My hubby and I sat down and talked about it, and made some rules and guidelines for ourselves about when and how to spank.
(1) It has to be a clear and established rule that the child is intentionally breaking.
(2) They have to be given one warning about breaking the rule.
(3) We cannot be swinging out of anger. If we’re hitting because we’re angry, then we need to give ourselves a time out (ie. a few minutes alone in a room behind a locked door). We must be spanking with a clear head according to our planned strategy.
(4) After the spanking and a time out (duration appropriate to age), we sit down with them for cuddles and loving and a conversation about why the spanking happened and what the rule is about the offense in question.

We don’t have to spank very often, but we find that it’s somehow like hitting a ‘reset’ button with our kids; they’re sweet and agreeable for the rest of the day. Also, now that spanking has been established and they understand the implications, the one warning they get is usually enough to stop bad behavior before it escalates to an actual spanking.

Let me start by saying you are human, and things happen, however how you choose to deal with it is another part. Every parent has different discipline methods but to me, this was not really discipline as you did not think about it before you did it. It was more or less you getting angry or having a hard day. We know each other well Diana, so please trust me, I am not judging you at all, although I commend you in finding other ways to work with Bella. I have many days where this kind of thing could happen, but what I do is before acting I take 3 deep breathes, I know it sounds funny but it reminds me of how old they are and the fact that they are still testings, learning, and how fragile they are. I know this is not what you want. You did not want this to happen this way, which shows you are a caring parent. I know you are. I think what Karen said had some truth although maybe a little harshly written and highly misunderstood, in the sense that you did not intend to “discipline” Bella at that second like that, also in the fact that you do not want to discipline Bella like that. We use the time out method often here and it works, also a little re-focusing, and sometimes just change of subject.

I commend you for sharing this, it will make you stronger. <3 Parenting is the toughest job because we care soo much, worth it in every way, and we are learning also from our little ones. <3 (((Hugs to you)))

Thank you for sharing the book you found. I can totally relate and I’ve been beating myself up lately for the same reason. I can’t stand the idea of Little Man growing up afraid of me.

You’re a wonderfully strong, considerate, and patient mom. Bella’s lucky to have you for a parent and role model.
Erika @NAMAmmaSTE just wrote At A Loss… For Sleep

I might look into that book. My husband and I are definitely challenged right now during Landon’s tantrums. They are unlike anything we’ve dealt with in his past three years so we’re a bit taken aback and left wondering what is the right way to do things.

I spoke with my therapist and got a plan for time-outs that seem to be working. But educating yourself on a continual basis is always good too.

You’re doing the work and THAT is what makes you an excellent and caring parent

Hugs to my home girl.
molly just wrote The Shift

I know that I’m late to the party, but I wanted to weigh in.

I think the important thing is that you realize that you didn’t like what you did and you’re going about finding a way to ensure it doesn’t happen again. You can’t take back the fact that you spanked your child, you can only look back and figure out how you can do better the next time.

Parenting is not a single path that leads to a perfect child, it’s a swinging target that is frequently missed by everyone. The best we can do is educate ourselves, keep our child’s best interests at heart and do everything out of love. And that’s exactly what it sounds like you’re doing.

I think what you’re doing now is exactly what you should be doing, so good luck with the journey.
Adam just wrote How I Know I’ve Made It

I’m sorry, don’t be so hard on yourself.

PS – I just wanted to give you a hug. So <>>
Jen just wrote The Earth is Part of Us