Creativity kits for kids!

Creative Outlets

Today after I posted about thinking, yet again, of starting a new blog, I called my friend Kim and unloaded on her about my frustrations. I had no idea what was really wrong, the more I started listing stuff the stupider it seemed.

Bear with me, this has a point:

I’ve been sponsored to go to a conference by an amazing company.

I get paid (not a lot but some) to blog.

I have ads. Legit ones.

I have been syndicated.

I have incredible readers.

My blog continues to grow.

So what is it?

What you don’t see is this – I get turned down for paid writing gigs. All the time. And it really bothers me.

Because while the above is nice and include some of the the marks most bloggers yearn to hit at some point, it’s also very little to do with my actual writing ability. I feel at a standstill creatively. I can come on here and write about my day or thoughts, but only to a point. I’ve learned that I don’t enjoy controversy on here about things I strongly believe in, and so I avoid those issues.

But they are still there. Waiting to be written. Just not here.

And so I apply for gigs that I can blog about those things to an audience that can disagree with me and it won’t sting as much. I want to branch out with my writing style, I want to be challenged and meet deadlines and have ideas thrown at me for stories. I want to be a writer, not just a self made one but one that has something behind it, “I write at ______ and get paid.”

It just isn’t happening.

Changing this blog to another won’t do that either.

I’m not going to do it on here. It’s not my style and I don’t feel comfortable with it. I don’t mind if someone disagrees with me or gets upset over something I write, but I don’t want to do it on purpose on my blog. However, I’d have no problem doing it somewhere else – because for some reason it would be less personal.

I feel stuck. I love this blog, I love chronicling my life on here, and I am beyond grateful for the opportunities that have come from it, but creatively I feel very trapped. Part of me wonders if I’m being turned down because God knows in a few months I’ll have very little time for any of this but my blog. I heard it time and time again at Blissdom, “Oh wow, twins huh? Well, you’ll be busy…” and then a total loss of interest in pursuing talking with me about working with them. It bothers me but I get it too.

So who knows. I feel torn – part of me wants to keep applying for things and scream, “I CAN DO IT ALL!” and the other part wants to keep it on an even keel so I don’t have any extra stress when the babies are here.

In the meantime, the rejection still stings. And the writing and ideas I long to share in another arena get left unsaid. I won’t stop blogging here, but a new blog isn’t the answer. I don’t know what is, or if now is the time to try to find answer. Maybe just patience and some waiting are in store.


Comments

  1. Ahhhh, the old “I want it all and I want it now” conundrum. I completely get what you are saying here. On one hand it is very empowering to know what you want and what you are passionate about but then figuring out how to make it happen is very disillusioning at times. You will find the outlet that you need and you will get the writing jobs that you crave. The hard part is not knowing when it will happen or even if it will happen. Don’t give up. Keep taking chances, even if the result is a “no.” The right opportunity is sure to present itself and you will be on your way! Anything worth having doesn’t come easy…

  2. Kattrinka says:

    All I can say is; “Patience is a virture” and “Good things come to those who wait” which pretty much are the same……good luck.

  3. Fiscal experts tell us to “pay ourselves first” I’d say you’re having these yearnings because you haven’t been paying yourself first when it comes to your creative outlet.. writing.

    Why not start a small second site, a place where all that will happen is you & words, the exploration of ideas, issues & causes that move you most deeply?

  4. It’s like the stories about writers who send their manuscript to hundreds of publishers (all with rejection letters), only to finally get published years down the road – and the book becomes a huge success! Rejection sucks, and writing (whether a book or just freelance articles) is super tough. But if it’s “meant to be” it will be!! I think you’re right about patience, and also about remaining flexible as you prepare to welcome two little ones into your home. You WILL have more time down the road to write, and I’ll bet you one hundred bucks that someone will hire you :) (and in order to get your creativity out now, why not start an anonymous blog? Bang out all your thoughts etc…..at least you’ll have plenty of material to pull from in the future!)

  5. I’m going to be honest – I have no idea why you are not getting picked. You are BY FAR one of the most talented, from-the-gut writers that I know & I adore every word that flows from your mind to the paper.

    I don’t know why it happens.

    I don’t know when you’ll get your “big break.”

    But I promise you – with your talent & skill & tenacity, you absolutely will get your big break. There’s no way that it won’t happen.

  6. I know we only met ever-so-briefly at the writing conference last Fall (pink bra anyone? lol)…but have you thought about putting more effort into a book project instead of other paid writing gigs for this season of life?

    I think your perspective is helpful about after the twins are born…if you were able to get a “regular” writing job with deadlines, it may become burdensome post-birth and even make you bitter about it.

    I hope I’m not discouraging you, sheesh… I’m looking for very similar things you are, but at some point I just decided that I HAVE to finish this book or I’m going to scream!!!! And then after that, no matter what, I’ll go back to pursuing more writing opps.

    xoxo

  7. You know, I found your blog from a link on another popular blog, so you’re doing some things right! Don’t let the rejection letters beat you down. If they provide any constructive criticism, learn from it, but don’t let it define you. I’ve had the deadlines and my work, via advertising and public relations, has been featured in national retail stores and magazines. But the deadlines can be rough and eat into your family life requiring major sacrifices. The deadlines are not always fun and are often unrealistic, but still you must deliver. Consider self-publishing on Kindle; a fast way you can take your work to market and lower start-up than self-publishing a printed book. Don’t wait for the approval of others – live your dream today.