I am blown away.
As is this hospital I lay in.
We almost lost our twins 72 hours ago. At any time things could change. I realize this. There are massive risks, huge hurdles to overcome. And we may not.
But that’s ok.
Our choice to fight and not induce at 18.5 weeks or any other time (unless I am in imminent danger or go into labor) is just that – a choice. And for the past 3 days, we continually had to fight for that choice. Over and over, shift after shift. Dr. after Dr. It was so hard to keep our spirits up only to be told every few hours how slim our chances are. We knew – but honestly we made a choice and wanted to stand firm in our decision.
Unless I was sick. Unless the babies died. Unless I went into labor. We wanted to fight for them. It’s all I can do. I have to.
Deep down, this isn’t about pro life or pro choice. Not really, although I know where I stand. But I also stand for every woman that walks in the doors of a hospital to have the SAME rights and treatment we expected. Regardless of what her decision is. To be treated as a valuable patient, to be cared for and talked to as a person with rights.
It was about being respected for the wishes and desires we had. Whatever they were. However crazy they seemed. As long as we weren’t doing anything illegal or putting ourselves into immediate harm, we simply wanted to be given the respect of having our choice to fight as long as we could for these two to be respected.
Today that happened. It was amazing. It has been a total change here, and we are so thankful to all of you. The calls, emails, texts, prayers, the facebook page that was started to update, etc – both to me and the hospital. (Maybe not so much prayers to them but… ) They are appreciated. Even if you just read and prayed – the power of that! You can’t imagine. Every bit of anything has helped.
This has been, hands down, the hardest 3 days of my life. My world hangs in the balance of an unknown and there are no guarantees. I’ve never known what faith in God truly meant until I laid here, unable to control or dictate anything, and simply give my boys into His hands. Completely. What a humbling experience. I can do nothing but eat, pray, and love. Literally.
Thank you. From Sam and I and my family. From Bella. From our boys. No matter how this turns out, no matter what the outcome today, tomorrow, weeks from now, I can look at them and know that everything was done to get them to wherever they are at that point. And know that you all did that – you changed our lives and theirs forever. No matter what.
Even if they never live to hear about this, their lives are already such an amazing part of our story. We will never forget today.
Sam, Diana, Bella, Preston William (BO), and Julian Toby (GO)