Bella wakes me up with a grin and wanting to snuggle in bed under the big covers. “Make nest!” And we do. She laughs and pretends to sleep while keeping one eye on me. I study her little face and curls and think of how very blessed I am to have her.
On my mind is the fact that today would have been 21 weeks.
Since there is nothing that can change what happened, I try not to think about it. I reflect for a moment on my short hours with my boys and the fun I had being pregnant with two, but it still hurts more than brings joy right now so I can’t dwell on it long. I think about each of you that have shared your stories of loss with me. Hoping that today brings you some peace and not more pain or reminders. Maybe just for today.
My mom is here, has been for over 2 weeks helping with Bella and jumping in when I couldn’t do it yet. My dad is here for the weekend – drove down to spend time with us. Sam brings me breakfast in bed.
Mother’s Day is entirely different this year. I expect it is for anyone who has lost a child or a mother – you think of this day in a way you might never have before. i don’t know how else to put it than bittersweet.
Missing the life I thought I was going to get and thankful for the life I have.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.