I Don’t Think I Ever Told You…

Sam was the one who decided not to induce first.

He laid his head on my stomach as we cried over what the doctors had told us, as they prepared the kit, and he looked up at me and said, “I feel them moving.”

He shook his head and said, “We can’t do this – they’re still alive in there.”

It was then that I went online and started to look at other options, and found the Facebook comment about how we had other choices to wait. Sam and I talked and talked as the tears poured down and the doctors argued and he simply kept saying, “As long as Diana agrees and she’s medically doing ok, we decided we can’t induce.”

Sam was my rock. My champion. If I had told him we had to, he would have listened. But when we heard that they would be born alive and then die, he shook his head and I took his strength through the next few days of complete horror as we faced the opposition from our decision.

Every time a doctor came in and told us we should induce, he stood strong on what we both wanted. He told them we wouldn’t change our minds unless the risk for me was too great. He let me know that if push came to shove he’d override my feelings about the boys to save my life. He was the sanity in the craziness.

When this all happened, I got the attention. The posts and comments and cards were all mostly for me. And it was much appreciated. But I want everyone to know that my husband was the one who stood by me in order to make this happen. He was the one who found the resident and gave him the (pardon my french) ass chewing of his life while I listened, then made him come apologize to me. We got to hold on and fight until you all rallied for us, and then you gave us a break from the stress and fear of being discharged.

Sam is a good man. He is a Godly husband and father. He’s taken an awful lot of crap in his 30 years of life and come out the other side as a person most men would kill to be half of. He is the best thing that ever happened to me, my hero, and a man I truly admire. I had no idea at 19 when we promised for better or for worse what would come in the next 9 years. I couldn’t imagine what we would go through together. But each and every single day I am so blessed to have him by my side in this life.

As we head into our son’s memorial service today, I wanted to let everyone know how big of a part Sam played in all of this – and he never said a word about what he did. He is an amazing man who would do anything for us, and I am fiercely proud to be his wife, friend, and the mother of all three of his children. We will sit in that service, hold each other’s hands, cry for what we wanted so much, and know while that the best is yet to come, our life together is pretty incredible already.

I love you Sam.


Considering international adoption as a military family?


  1. says

    beautiful. you truly have a gift with words and your stories are always told in such a touching manner. I got all teary reading this. props to Sam for providing you such strength. Bella is one lucky girl to have such a great daddy (& momma)

  2. says

    This is beautiful. Sending you and Sam peace today as you say a final goodbye to your boys. I have a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart for you. Your strength, his strength, your obvious love for each other and great communication will get you through. xoxo

  3. says

    You are very lucky to have each other. I will be thinking of the both of you, your darling Bella, Julian and Preston today. I live in Colorado and I think you said you are here for the service. Since you are so close I hope you can feel this big (((HUG))). Sam sounds like a good man and sometimes our good men can be underappreciated and taken for granted. It is extremely clear that your husband is neither. This was a beautiful post.

  4. Nikki says

    Thank you for sharing this, I loved reading every word. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family today.

  5. says

    I’m so glad you had him there for support. What an amazing rock to lean on…because while his heart was breaking too…he made sure he stood up for you!

    I’ll be thinking of you all today as you have the memorial service. Prayers sent. <3

  6. says

    Thank God for good men like your husband. I’m so glad you have him and that he is so strong. Hugs for you today as you face this very sad and somber day.

  7. says

    I think what you wrote here is a beautiful example of how marriage and parenting is best done in partnership. By supporting you in the wonderful way that he did, he not only just showed what an awesome Dad he is, but he demonstrated how fiercely he loves you too. Good for him!

    Prayers for you all while you are at the memorial service today.

  8. Miranda says

    Beautiful. Happy Father’s Day to him!!! Sounds like your family has a great man to celebrate this coming weekend. *Hugs* to you and your family today!!!

  9. says

    Beautiful. The love you have for Sam after everything you guys have been through really inspires me. Thank you for being so open and honest and giving us “normal” people a little bit of hope to hang on to.

    Thinking about you guys today and always <3

  10. says

    And… I’m bawling. My husband is my rock, too. It’s really something else, knowing there’s someone who can be that strong for you. We’ve only had to test that in little ways in our marriage, but my husband and Sam are the kind of men I didn’t even know to look for. They seem too good to actually exist. The fact that they do exist gives me all kinds of strength, myself. And pride, of course. So much pride.

    Hugs to you, Sam! Or, if you’re not the hugging type, a very warm handshake.

  11. Heidi says

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your husband is such an awesome person. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  12. janet tabuno says

    I cried reading your post. You have a way with words that make your posts so beautiful and touching. Thanks for touching my life!

  13. says

    I find myself here crying tears of sadness and celebrations. What a wonderful husband and partner you have. Praying for you, your husband and your sweet children. Again you and your family are a beacon of faith and strength. Thanks for sharing with us.

  14. Heather Nix says

    Your husband is a wonderful man and father!! And I think it’s amazing that you shared that with us…your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

  15. says

    Every time I see your post hit my inbox, I grab the tissues and prepare myself for tears. This one is no exception-Sam sounds like an amazing man and your love and adoration for him is obvious (even before this post). I honestly believe that you see someone’s true self when everything is going to crap and your situation with the boys is one of the worst anyone can face. Here’s to those good guys out there, as they don’t get enough recognition.

    I’ll be thinking and praying for you and your family today as you remember Julian and Preston…((HUGS))

  16. says

    I’m so glad you have each other, it means so much to have someone in the battle with you. Continuing to pray for you guys as you go through the memorial. <3

  17. says

    and now I’m crying. that was beautiful! God made a good man with that one. Good men are champions for their wives, especially in times of extreme stress /life and death. Where would we be if not for their steadfast strength? oh girl, I’m so glad you are blessed with him. and he is blessed with you, too :)

  18. Autumn says

    You have me crying at 7:00 in the morning! This is so great. I am so glad that you have such an amazing husband. Devin and I being high school sweethearts too, I am always looking back and wondering how I managed to find such amazing love at only 16 years old! The only answer that I can come up with is that it is the best gift God ever dropped in my lap :)

  19. Tricia Neron says

    What a beautiful message and so fitting with Father’s Day just around the corner.

    You are both so blessed to have each other, it sounds like you both really appreciate each other, and that is what it is all about.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

  20. says

    sending thoughts and prayers to you both – you are lucky to have each other. (and yes, I’m still crying for both of you)