2 Months

Dear Julian and Preston,

Today is your 2 month birthday. Today you have also been gone 2 months.

Daddy and I miss you more than you both could know. So much. Your time with us was brief but changed our lives forever.

Bella asks about you two a lot. She isn’t sure why there aren’t “Two babies in Mama’s tummy” anymore, but she still loves to look at your ultrasound pictures. I ache knowing what a great big sister she would have been to you here on earth. When I look at her, I wonder how much you would have all looked alike. And it hurts.

We were all so excited for you to be here with us. Overwhelmed, but excited. We had so many plans, we were so ready for our life to tip upside down. And it did, but in a way none of us wanted or expected it to.

So many of us think about you every day. It makes it a lot easier on me to know your story touched so many other lives. It wasn’t all in vain.

I look at your pictures and long to have you back with me, growing and kicking. I miss you so very much. We have so much to look forward to, but the loss of our sons will always be a hole in our lives.

I think of you often in Heaven, hoping you’re looking down at us and getting to know us from there. I can’t wait to see you and hold you and love on you both one day. I will get to whisper how much I loved you while I was down here, how every day I saw two little tow headed boys tagging along after their sister, making a mess, teasing each other.

No matter what happens, we will never forget or replace you. I will always have 2 more children waiting for me in Heaven. I wish I could have told you how proud I was of you both for hanging on and taken in every little bit of perfection and moment more than I was able to. The few minutes I got alone with you both were so incredible. You changed my whole life in a second.

Know that you are longed for, remembered, loved, and missed every moment of our days. I promise what we did in that hospital won’t be forgotten.

We love you forever and always,

Daddy, Mama, and Bella

 

Comments

  1. I’m so sorry. No family should have to go through this kind of loss. Thinking of you.

  2. My heart breaks for you every time I think of your precious boys. ((hugs))

  3. Just (((hugs))) and prayers from a fellow loss mom. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  4. Love & hugs!

  5. Hugs.

  6. Every time I think of your boys, I say a quick prayer for them and for your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the rest of the world. ((hugs))

  7. Beautiful. I cried a little!

  8. Hugs! I know that feeling of it feeling like forever but yet like yesterday! Much love your way!

    Jen

  9. This letter is so sad and so full of hope. Hugs and love to your today.

  10. I think when we get to Heaven, the time we agonized over will disappear in the blink of an eye. Hugs will erase in an instant what seemed like an eternity of grief. I cannot wait to see and hold my loved ones again.

  11. I hope you never quit writing them letters. these are beautiful. and someday? they will be priceless for your other children to know your love and thoughts for the brothers they only met in heaven before they were all born.

  12. I love you five so much!

  13. :(

    I miss them for you.

  14. Im very sorry for your loss and my heart aches for you. Its been almost 10 years since I lost my son and sometimes all I can do is sit and cry and remember those awesome moments I did have with him. The kicking and hiccups and ultra sound pictures and when I finally got to hold my sleeping angel. I know one day Ill get to see my angel and you will get to see yours.

  15. Your posts are so well written and honest. I weep when I read them, every time… I had 1 miscarriage and now have 1 son. I can only imagine how painful your loss is. I’m glad that you openly share it with all of us online, it helps me appreciate life more and I hope it helps you to heal. It really was a wonderful thing you did for them. Your story helps me to have more patience with my son… to enjoy every minute I have with him and not stress over the messes he makes. Just go with the flow and know that messes can be cleaned up later. God bless!

  16. Grace Pignatare says:

    I cannot believe how strong you are…and YOU ARE, even if it doesn’t seem like it to you. You are writing, therefore you are alive and have made it through another minute, another day. God Bless you and your little ones…the one here and the ones in heaven watching over you.

  17. My heart is with you and your family. It’s been seven months on the 10th since I delivered my twins and said goodbye to my sweet Kathryn. I prayed for you and the boys and I am still praying for you. I am so terribly sorry you are feeling this pain.

  18. Such a loving letter to your boys. They will always be a part of you….. but that doe snot make it any easier. Hugs to you all…… you have shown so much strength and courage AND love in the midst of a horribly sad time. I know your boys loved this letter and know how much you love them…… they sensed it before they grew wings.

  19. Heather Craft says:

    Mama… so sorry for your loss. We have an angel that went to heaven 2 summers ago. It is so very hard to look at your children and wonder what your angel(s) would have looked like, or if they’d resemble one another, or have the same mannerisms. Prayers for you and your family. You will see your boys again one day. :) You’ll never forget them, but I think day-by-day it will get a bit easier to cope..and that “hard to breathe/exist feeling” wont be as prevalent. Best wishes to you mama! God BLESS!

  20. Hugs to you.

  21. You have taken an unspeakable heartbreak and given it a voice. As you’ve shared the story of Julian and Preston, you’ve been their advocate and have reinforced the fact that whether they were eight weeks, nineteen weeks or 40 weeks, they were your sons and forever members of your family. I’ve been profoundly moved as I’ve read each of your posts. My admiration and respect for you and Sam is heartfelt. Your post about everything Sam did is the definition, by example, of husband and father. Every day I offer prayers and hugs for your precious family.

  22. This particular post really gave me chills. I think and feel similar things every day about seeing my Dad again in heaven someday. As always, I pray that God will continue to strengthen you guys.

  23. God bless you guys always, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this painful path… I LOVE YOU!

  24. That’s a beautiful letter to your boys. I’m sending you love from afar.

  25. sending you love and prayers, through the tears in my eyes and the knot in my throat… what a lovely letter Diana. *hugs*

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