I’m 5 weeks today. There was a part of me that didn’t want to write this post for fear of – I don’t know. A jinx?

Which if course isn’t any part of faith.

Still, I want it to be here. To remember how it felt at this exact time.

We spent most of the day in the car driving to my parents after spending the night in Santa Fe. Bella is sick and I’m hoping she feels better because we’re taking her on the Polar Express tomorrow to head to the “North Pole” and see Santa.

I’m feeling – good? It’s almost surreal, most of the time I kinda forget I’m pregnant. I’m used to being so deathly ill that just to be a little nauseated, dizzy, etc is a very strange feeling. I’m trying to just enjoy it – although I definitely took my old stash of Zofran (anti-barf meds) with me on this trip in case it kicks in.

I pray every.single.day for this baby. Every time I see an infant. Every time I stumble on something of Bella’s she outgrew. Every time I think of how right now, there are supposed to be two little ones at my parents house with us.

And my prayer is simple, “Please God.”

I wonder if it’s ok to pray for God not to take this little one from me. I don’t know – it seems like that shouldn’t cross my mind. That it’s a little – morbid? Rude? But that’s what I pray. I keep looking for a little “For this child I have prayed” piece of jewelry (since I can’t get a tattoo) but the one I love at the Vintage Pearl is out of stock. Just as a reminder for me to keep praying, keep hoping.

In the meantime, I feel those prayers from all of you. And thank you. So, so much. When fear overtakes me about the unknown I remember how many of you are praying for us. And it calms me tremendously.

Hoping everyone has a wonderful weekend. xo

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Other places I’ve written:

• Hyperemesis Gravidarum is not Just Morning Sickness: 5 Ways it Differs
• Pregnancy #3, Baby #4
• Making the Sacrifice: Pregnancy with Hyperemesis
• What a FAM Pregnancy Chart Looks Like
• How I Told My Husband About This Pregnancy
• Candy Craft: Sweet little Snails
• Adopting a Soldier for the Holidays

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