Finding a Rhythm
5 days into Sam being gone, exactly 6 weeks to go. While the first few days were, shall we say, rough? We are steadily finding a bit of a rhythm around here.
While I miss him so much, there are parts of solo parenting for a while that I do like and have missed since his 4 months away in Georgia 2 years ago. (Can you believe it’s already been 2 years??)
One thing I’ve wanted to do is wake up early to write and have my devotional time with SheReadsTruth. But with Sam getting up at 5am and it being hard to get back to sleep, it was tough to pull myself out of bed before Bella woke up. Going to bed a little earlier means I’m up by 6:30 and spend that time quietly with a hot cup of tea at my desk. Like right this moment.
Mornings are pretty simple still. Not much changes since Sam was always gone to work anyway, so it’s business as usual with breakfast, playtime, work, snack, cleaning, etc. Playdates are usually in the mornings too. Lunch and then nap.
It’s afternoons and evenings that threw me for a loop. Usually Sam being home around 6 broke up that time, he’d be here for dinner and take over a bit after with bath for Bella and playtime. Now it’s all me. From like 2:30-8.
My friends, that is a LONG time to figure out something to do 7 days a week.
I tend to be the sickest in the evenings as well. Not twins sick, but there are days it’s hard to get off the couch. It makes me feel incredibly guilty and almost depressed during that time, but it’s something I’m working on with my therapist and myself. Bella is safe, this is temporary, we are ok. Not every day has to be AMAZING.
Bella misses Sam at night, I start to wonder how to keep my sanity without popping in movie after movie. I want to remember this time as special, one of the last we have with just the two of us. Not something I wanted to be over.
We do a bit of preschool, snack, go to the park, crafts, and at night when dinner is done, we snuggle up for a movie and then story before bed. Then I work.
As time passes we’re falling into our own rhythm. I attended an online conference from Influence Network a few weeks ago where Jessi from Naptime Diaries (also one of the founders of SheReadsTruth) spoke about how she manages a business, marriage, 3 kids with another on the way, and all the writing. And it was inspiring to hear her talk about really focusing on the rhythm of what works for you; with your kids, your husband, your life, your work – and not what works for anyone else. Or what the world considerers “balanced.” That while some days are bound to be a mess, the overall flow of your life should work for everyone directly in it, and for your passion.
It was a real life changer to listen to, to hear someone be honest about how she recognizes her strengths as a woman but also what she isn’t gifted in, and becoming accepting of that. Embracing it.
So as Bella and I work together to make our home a happy, loving one while Sam is gone, I remember her words. I start to ingrain a new pattern into our days that works for us, right here in this time of pregnancy and mothering by myself for a while. Before you know it, I’ll be trying to find another one all over again, and my prayer is that this time, I get to do that with this little one.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my little rhythm maker just woke up.