Being pregnant with a 3 year old is totally, completely different than with a 2 year old. When I was newly pregnant and dying from the inside out sick with the twins, having Bella around was rough. She was still so dependent on me for entertainment, interaction. We’d been here in El Paso a little over 6 months and I knew just a few people that were also busy with their little ones, and Sam worked the longest hours. Like – 16 hours a day.

At that time, I was still very much anti TV anything, so the fact that nearly every day she watched a movie so I could sleep or try not to barf on the floor completely stressed me out. And I was so tired that when she didn’t take a nap (or a long enough nap) I’d literally start to cry when she woke up. All I wanted to do was sleep.

She still wanted to be carried and I still wanted to carry her. She wasn’t a ton verbal and got easily frustrated with things that didn’t work.

This time around is so.much.easier.

Hands down.

And not just because I’m not having twins. Most of it is due to her being so much more independent, and me having relaxed on things over the past year. Learning that stressing myself out about the first few months of pregnancy isn’t worth it.

Nearly every afternoon, I take a nap. Guilt (almost) free. We’ve slowed way down on outings the past few weeks, partially because it’s finally gotten cold here. I buy her those little 30 second heat up meals – organic so I don’t feel as bad. That way I don’t have to cook lunch if I’m feeling queasy or smell anything. We bought some more movies for afternoons I can’t get off the couch.

Bella will play outside with Charlie for a good half hour at a time while I clean up or write. She’s also learned the past year to play independently for long stretches. Yes, she’s talking up a storm which means more sass and arguing at times, but it also means I can ask her to help and she understands perfectly. She’s also able to help a lot more than before which makes life a lot easier. I can’t wait to have her help plan a nursery and pick out stuff with me.

We still talk about the two babies a lot. Especially to ease her fears about Mama being pregnant again. It’s insane what she remembers 8 months later. We were watching Rescuers Down Under and out of nowhere during the part where Wilbur (the bird) is getting his back fixed by the mice in little uniforms, she tells me, “Look! They getting two babies out!”

Makes my heart hurt still.

But all in all, this is a very different experience. More peaceful, less frantic and less filled with the guilt of second time motherhood. I know a new baby will be both hard and wonderful for her, but it doesn’t worry me like with the twins. We’ll get it down. I am learning to let go. She is growing up.

We make a great pair together.