I’m Tired.

It’s 2:00. I’m alone in a cafe, having spent the past two hours in a intense therapy session. I took an additional two hours after with Bella at her hourly care so I can work.

It’s my last week of my current term of school. Lots to do there.

I haven’t written here in a while. Several in drafts.

I have calls to make. Appointments to check.

And here I sit. Scrolling through pages mindlessly as I avoid this. Writing.

Because I feel like I should be ok. My writing should be about me healing. I’m healing y’all! Expecting a surprise baby and I’m just healing away over here. 

I’m pregnant. It’s a girl. Things are good so far. Sunday was Preston and Julian’s birthday – 3 years. And we spent a quiet day at home together.

And yet.  [Read more…]

About a Girl

I look down at my growing stomach (4th pregnancy isn’t joking around y’all) and it’s so odd after two pregnancies and three boys and six boy names to know this one is a girl.

I’m excited for Bella to have a sister, and I’m honestly really excited to do girl stuff all over again. I saved many of Bella’s things. Hauled it through all our moves. Stored it in the closets. When I was toward the end of my pregnancy with Kaden, Sam and I talked about having one more.

I’d had a feeling pretty early on that this baby might be a girl, since my morning sickness pattern was so close to being pregnant with Bella. I didn’t take any medication with her for that until second trimester, so I remembered it really well. And this time, no meds again since we don’t know what triggers a ciHHV-6 activation.

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We Are Having A…

Friday our doctor’s office called us with testing results, I’d had the verifi Prenatal test (p.s. I have no affiliation with them, just linking since it’s rather new to the testing game) which is why we found out gender so early. Everything is fine – it doesn’t change the risk with ciHHV-6, but it does eliminate other issues or complications. That’s why we opted to do this, in case there was something that might be a bigger risk with ciHHV-6.

And then the nurse asked, “Would you like to know the gender?” It was one of those moments where the whole world stops for a second – you know whatever words come next are going to change your life. And they did. I started to cry and told her, “You just made my whole day,” and she was so excited – it was wonderful.

So then once we knew, and Bella knew we knew (and wasn’t about to wait to find out), I ran out and bought balloons, came home and searched for a box – finding the only one big enough but barely fit in. Then we realized my camera battery was dead. And once Bella opened the box, the jammed in balloons didn’t come out and Sam had to help her pry them out and I forgot to turn the phone the right way and then the video was a mess to try to clip together –

Bella Gender Reveal 1

Best laid plans y’all. So I scrapped it, did a short clip of her cutest moment, and found one of my favorite pics I snapped.

Ready? :) Turn up your sound, she gives a little squeal that melts my heart.

(not sure if it was because of the gender or just the fact that she loves balloons that.much.)

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Did You Know… #NationalSiblingDay

Did you know that my little sister Alyson is pregnant too?

She is. 13 weeks ahead of me.

It’s her and her husband’s first baby. It decided to be stubborn during her 20 week ultrasound so they’re still waiting to find out the gender.

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Little Updates

I’m in the middle of week 5 of school.

It’s going well. I’m expecting to be finished the end of this year or at the very latest the first term of next. I really, really like it so far and can’t wait to get into their Master’s Program. A licensed therapist one day – I hold onto that thought when balancing all of this gets a bit much.

I’m 8 weeks pregnant.

So far – morning sickness has been reasonable. Some days it’s worse than others (today is one), but it’s shocking to me that I am this far and can manage most days. I remember with Bella I’d have to pull over to the side of the road to throw up on my way to work. With the twins – well – with the twins I just wanted to die. I was so sick with them. And with Kaden – I just took the meds from 6 weeks on. I’d hoped it wouldn’t be as bad but I once I started throwing up, I couldn’t stop.

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