Railing

This morning I decided to just unload on God.

There’s a part of me – probably the evangelical youth group girl – who feels a bit guilty doing this. Like, maybe I should just be thanking Him and praising and KLOVE’ing it up instead of telling Him that it feels like every gift given turns into a bandaid for the wound about to come.

There’s a song (that I really love) that always hits me because it says, “You’re the reason for – every good thing, every heartbeat, every day we get to breathe…”

And I always think – oh.

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Whoever Welcomes a Little Child…

I’ve been thinking a lot of what to ask from you all as I prepare to travel to Zimbabwe in exactly one week. I’ve thought of prayer for myself, the rest of the team, the people we’ll meet, the leaders in Zimbabwe that we’ll be speaking with, our health, the travel, etc.

And yet.

Something has weighed on my heart to share with you.

I want you to be a part of this. Not just by looking at pictures or reading, but a real part of World Vision gearing up to make a crucial difference in the lives of women and children. Zimbabwe has one of the worst crises for pregnant women and infants happening right now.

“Zimbabwe is among 40 countries where the maternal death rate exceeds 960 per 100,000 live births (emphasis mine)… And the situation is not improving: Maternal mortality in Zimbabwe rose by 28 percent between 1990 and 2010. Globally, just 287 mothers die per 100,000 live births, and in sub-Saharan Africa the figure stands at 500 per 100,000, according to Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Health and Child Care.” AlJezeera.com

What can you do? How can you be a part of this?

It’s simple. You can sponsor a child in Zimbabwe here: http://myshare.worldvision.org/dianawrote 

World Vision Zimbabwe Sponsorship [Read more…]

Because They Lived

Two years ago yesterday I posted this in a private FB group:

2014-04-28 07.35.10

I don’t remember much about those first few days in the hospital. In fact, I’ve never gone back to read one post I wrote during that time. 2 years and I’ve linked to them, but never read. It’s still that painful.

Looking back, I can see the PTSD that spiraled from being there and treated so awfully in both hospitals. I understand how people didn’t get why I acted the way I did after the boys died, because sometimes I don’t even get it – but that doesn’t excuse the treatment from people in our life. I didn’t have a lot of PTSD with Kaden’s time at the hospital. The doctors were kind, the nurses were helpful, everyone wanted him to live.

With the twins, everyone just wanted me to leave.

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On May and the Boys

May is weighing on me. May 3rd is the 2nd anniversary of Preston and Julian’s birth and death. It doesn’t seem possible that was two years ago and I’m sitting here with another baby gone. My greatest fear happened – again.

May 5th will be Kaden’s 9 month birthday.

May is filled with birthdays and Mother’s Day for our family. It’s also supposed to the the month Sam is gone for. Although we have no idea if that will happen.

I want to do something special on the 3rd for the boys – and I want to skip it completely. I started to pull up memories of them last night, laying in bed and thinking about how it felt to see them, hold them, marvel at how tiny they were and how human they were.

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Fiercely, Brokenly Proud

A few weeks ago, one of the mama’s I follow on Instagram had a picture of her little boy up, with a caption underneath of how she missed him and “wished heaven had visiting hours”.

It was so simple and so incredibly profound, because it wasn’t sad. It didn’t seem like anything about loss. I had to read it twice, because the first time I didn’t understand he was gone. Her status was so motherly and normal that it shook me. Instead of grieving for us all, I felt this need to write back in that same manner.

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