We Are Having A…

Friday our doctor’s office called us with testing results, I’d had the verifi Prenatal test (p.s. I have no affiliation with them, just linking since it’s rather new to the testing game) which is why we found out gender so early. Everything is fine – it doesn’t change the risk with ciHHV-6, but it does eliminate other issues or complications. That’s why we opted to do this, in case there was something that might be a bigger risk with ciHHV-6.

And then the nurse asked, “Would you like to know the gender?” It was one of those moments where the whole world stops for a second – you know whatever words come next are going to change your life. And they did. I started to cry and told her, “You just made my whole day,” and she was so excited – it was wonderful.

So then once we knew, and Bella knew we knew (and wasn’t about to wait to find out), I ran out and bought balloons, came home and searched for a box – finding the only one big enough but barely fit in. Then we realized my camera battery was dead. And once Bella opened the box, the jammed in balloons didn’t come out and Sam had to help her pry them out and I forgot to turn the phone the right way and then the video was a mess to try to clip together –

Bella Gender Reveal 1

Best laid plans y’all. So I scrapped it, did a short clip of her cutest moment, and found one of my favorite pics I snapped.

Ready? :) Turn up your sound, she gives a little squeal that melts my heart.

(not sure if it was because of the gender or just the fact that she loves balloons that.much.)

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Building Castles of Our Own

This morning is a good one. I’m taking advantage of feeling human by studying, writing, and playing with Bella. It’s these kinds of mornings that give me a little reminder of how much my thoughts and frame of mind are affected by feeling sick all the time. It’s also a reminder that if I can hang on, I won’t feel the same forever.

Building Castles

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but when I feel sick for more than a day I start to irrationally think, “This is it. I’m going to be like this forever, nothing will ever get done, I’m always going to order fast food for us, let the house go and THIS IS THE END.”

Then I feel better and realize that’s not at all the case.

A couple of you offered up suggestions about letting school work go/taking a break for a while. I can totally understand how that looks like the best option when you’re reading how miserable I am!  Two things about that though:

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One Day…

The receptionist peers over her desk at us, Bella heading into her hourly care class so I can get some work done at home.

“Does she have an older brother or sister?”

I shake my head.

“Just her?”

“Yes,” I say tightly, wanting to conversation to stop here. It won’t. I just know it. I brace myself for whatever bit of ignorance is coming next.

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Capture a Moment with OneDay

 This post was sponsored by the OneDay app, but all opinions (and super cute video below) are my own. 

OneDay App

The other day I told Sam, “Isn’t it cute how Bella says Pterodactyl? (She pronounces the ‘P’). Let’s never correct her.”

We have these little memories of her saying things wrong since she started talking. One or two random words she mis-hears, that she then says that way for a while until suddenly it’s gone. She called fans “sa’s” forever, cats were “tikkies”, school buses were buses and actual buses were “schools” (that was the best).

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Glancing Back – Moving Forward

Everyone has such catchy titles for their end of year posts. Mine just sums up how I felt today.

2014 was a difficult year for us. In ways that I haven’t written about because I just can’t yet. But even with grief, another failed adoption, etc – overall it was a year where things changed for the better. Are still changing for the better.

I have plans for 2015, and I regularly take them before God to make sure I’m not chasing paths and dreams I have no business pursuing.

Some plans are simply to continue what I’ve already started – homeschooling Bella. Going to therapy, and working on our marriage together. Figuring out how to still be a mama to three little boys I barely knew. Being a better, more present mother here.

Some are new, but have been on my heart for a while so I move forward with them.

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