Building Castles of Our Own

This morning is a good one. I’m taking advantage of feeling human by studying, writing, and playing with Bella. It’s these kinds of mornings that give me a little reminder of how much my thoughts and frame of mind are affected by feeling sick all the time. It’s also a reminder that if I can hang on, I won’t feel the same forever.

Building Castles

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but when I feel sick for more than a day I start to irrationally think, “This is it. I’m going to be like this forever, nothing will ever get done, I’m always going to order fast food for us, let the house go and THIS IS THE END.”

Then I feel better and realize that’s not at all the case.

A couple of you offered up suggestions about letting school work go/taking a break for a while. I can totally understand how that looks like the best option when you’re reading how miserable I am!  Two things about that though:

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One Day…

The receptionist peers over her desk at us, Bella heading into her hourly care class so I can get some work done at home.

“Does she have an older brother or sister?”

I shake my head.

“Just her?”

“Yes,” I say tightly, wanting to conversation to stop here. It won’t. I just know it. I brace myself for whatever bit of ignorance is coming next.

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Capture a Moment with OneDay

 This post was sponsored by the OneDay app, but all opinions (and super cute video below) are my own. 

OneDay App

The other day I told Sam, “Isn’t it cute how Bella says Pterodactyl? (She pronounces the ‘P’). Let’s never correct her.”

We have these little memories of her saying things wrong since she started talking. One or two random words she mis-hears, that she then says that way for a while until suddenly it’s gone. She called fans “sa’s” forever, cats were “tikkies”, school buses were buses and actual buses were “schools” (that was the best).

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Glancing Back – Moving Forward

Everyone has such catchy titles for their end of year posts. Mine just sums up how I felt today.

2014 was a difficult year for us. In ways that I haven’t written about because I just can’t yet. But even with grief, another failed adoption, etc – overall it was a year where things changed for the better. Are still changing for the better.

I have plans for 2015, and I regularly take them before God to make sure I’m not chasing paths and dreams I have no business pursuing.

Some plans are simply to continue what I’ve already started – homeschooling Bella. Going to therapy, and working on our marriage together. Figuring out how to still be a mama to three little boys I barely knew. Being a better, more present mother here.

Some are new, but have been on my heart for a while so I move forward with them.

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A Peek Into Our Christmas Day

Yesterday was magical. I couldn’t have picked out a better day for us. The night before Christmas, Bella opened one present (carrying on the tradition from my family), put cookies and milk out for Santa, wore the cutest Christmas nightgown ever, and took an hour and a half to wind down and pass out.

Christmas 2014

I sat up till 10 wrapping gifts and rearranging them under the tree, then hauling the world’s largest Stegosaurus out. [Read more…]