{The Confessions of a Crunchy Housewife™}
The words pour over me as I huddle on the couch and wait for the sickness to pass. Again.
“I can’t do this another time.”
I turn to Sam and he knows. No more. I can’t live like this. It isn’t fair. To him, to Bella, to me. To the life we want, the plans and hopes we have.
This is it. This baby inside of me – this is the last one.
I am done. [Read more...]
Lately I’ve felt really behind on everything.
Writing.
Cleaning.
Cooking.
Bella.
Myself.
Life.
It’s a tough spot, mentally, for me. I have a hard time accepting things can be let go for a while and the world won’t fall apart. There is an ever nagging fear inside of me that if I don’t make sure it’s all held together all the time – once it slides away I won’t be able to get it back again. [Read more...]
“I don’t understand,” the mom says, leaning forward. Her eyes are full of confusion and doubt. “Why on earth would you want to homeschool?”
And I? Am stumped.
Not so much as why – but how to explain it to her. I want to tell her to hold while I type out a post or pull up an old one and then have her read it.
As I stumble my way through talking about it, I begin to realize we are on different pages. More so than she and I thought previously. Not bad ones. Not better ones. Just different.
This is one of the first times I’ve started to see how much of a bubble blogging can put you in.
Depression and anxiety are often taboo subjects. Sometimes a person like Katherine Stone from Postpartum Progress comes along and blows the stigma of it away – like she did with PPA/PPD. The effect she’s had on that community is amazing. When I realized I had anxiety, I looked for a community that was that open, that bold about it. And honestly, I didn’t find any. I turned to Kim, who has struggled with depression, and she felt the same. Many of you online told me you wondered about it too. Is there a community we talk openly about for depression and anxiety? This post is for those of us trying to find just that.
So you all know that I love Diana. I mean, who doesn’t? And I’m blessed to have her as a real life friend as well as blogger friend. So when she asked me (get that, she asked me ::headexplosion::) to guest post on this topic I was flattered and a little nervous. I’m here at Hormonal Imbalances. That’s huge to me. So, thanks, Diana, for thinking of me and letting me get a little taste of the big time over here at your place today. I puffy heart you.
——————
“Kicking Depression’s Butt”
That’s what I want on my badge. [Read more...]
Sunday night I made The Pioneer Woman’s Tuscan Bean Soup with Shrimp, (yes it was amazing) and when I cracked open a bottle of dry white cooking wine, I suddenly had a flurry of memories wash over me as the faint smell of alcohol came up.
Sitting with a glass of red wine and watching TV.
Waiting in terror for Sam to drink.
Fighting with Sam while he drank.
The screaming. The throwing. The name calling. The tears and hurt and broken promises.
Over and over. 7 1/2 years. [Read more...]
The last few days have been rough with Bella. She’s just been in this mood; whiny, early up, hard time going to sleep, one hour naps, falling apart at the tiniest things, refusing to eat.
Mentally, I’m fried. I feel like I’m stretched to the very max. I keep tuning her out completely and half the time don’t even know what she’s whining about anymore – because it’s gone on for so long. I find myself giving in to just get silence, or snapping because I have drawn happy, sad, and scared faces, made airplanes, played, danced, and done everything I can think of.
Anyway, I realize this is just a phase and it’s not really what this post is about. What it’s about is me starting to wonder:
I'm opinionated. Sarcastic. A SAHM. Christian. A proud Army wife. I love to write. I'm crazy about cloth diapers. I struggle with anxiety.
My husband Sam is my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. After nearly 9 years of marriage we've faced PTSD, a war, alcoholism, and moving to a place we never wanted to be but ended up liking. God has continually blessed us in moving here.
One of my biggest joys in life, Bella, was born 11/09 and we're pregnant with our second - after hesitating about doing it all again.
I tend to emotionally dry heave on this blog from time to time - you've been warned.
This? This is my blog. My thoughts, feelings, faith, and life. Uncensored.
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