When You’re Praying for the Miracle You Didn’t Get

I don’t know if I believe in miracles anymore. I really don’t. I did even after Preston and Julian died. It was tremedously awful but scientifically, it made sense. I was a high risk pregnancy. Bella was born on the cusp of preterm.

But Kaden. Kaden changed everything for me. I prayed. You prayed. So many people prayed and cried and pleaded with God.

Not again.

Not their family.

Not this baby.

I believed until the day I got the call to pick up his ashes that we would get a miracle. Somehow, God would make this right. He wouldn’t let me go through all that pain and a pregnancy full of trauma, anxiety, and tears just to lose my rainbow baby.

Yet He did.

So I have a hard time with miracles.

Yet even in my doubt and anger, I still find my heart crying out to God for them.

[Read more…]


Railing

This morning I decided to just unload on God.

There’s a part of me – probably the evangelical youth group girl – who feels a bit guilty doing this. Like, maybe I should just be thanking Him and praising and KLOVE’ing it up instead of telling Him that it feels like every gift given turns into a bandaid for the wound about to come.

There’s a song (that I really love) that always hits me because it says, “You’re the reason for – every good thing, every heartbeat, every day we get to breathe…”

And I always think – oh.

[Read more…]

The Hospital

She’s 17. In the miscarriage ward. Alone in the room full of beds with brightly colored sheets, none of them very clean. By American standards it would be a health hazard. She’s laying on the small, wire framed bed, a thin mattress holding her slight body. Barefoot and stunningly gorgeous as so many people are here. Curled up, she’s turned away from us as we gather around her bed – our own views and “rights” of privacy unknown in Zimbabwe. We’re touring this hospital to get an idea of what maternal health is like in Lupane.

This is a new facility, we’re told. One of the best. 

I can’t wrap my head around what others might be like in that case.

The nurse tells us her story while I think of all the HIPAA violations happening right now. There isn’t that level of confidentiality here – a land where the people are more group oriented in their actions than just individual ideals. Culture shock hits a little harder for me.

Zimbabwe with World Vision [Read more…]

Whoever Welcomes a Little Child…

I’ve been thinking a lot of what to ask from you all as I prepare to travel to Zimbabwe in exactly one week. I’ve thought of prayer for myself, the rest of the team, the people we’ll meet, the leaders in Zimbabwe that we’ll be speaking with, our health, the travel, etc.

And yet.

Something has weighed on my heart to share with you.

I want you to be a part of this. Not just by looking at pictures or reading, but a real part of World Vision gearing up to make a crucial difference in the lives of women and children. Zimbabwe has one of the worst crises for pregnant women and infants happening right now.

“Zimbabwe is among 40 countries where the maternal death rate exceeds 960 per 100,000 live births (emphasis mine)… And the situation is not improving: Maternal mortality in Zimbabwe rose by 28 percent between 1990 and 2010. Globally, just 287 mothers die per 100,000 live births, and in sub-Saharan Africa the figure stands at 500 per 100,000, according to Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Health and Child Care.” AlJezeera.com

What can you do? How can you be a part of this?

It’s simple. You can sponsor a child in Zimbabwe here: http://myshare.worldvision.org/dianawrote 

World Vision Zimbabwe Sponsorship [Read more…]

We Have This Hope

Screenshot 2014-10-20 13.19.43 Last week I was hired to write for mom.me. I’m really, really excited to be a part of their group; they have some of my very favorite people with them.

I’ll be writing with their Parenting section, similar to what I write with Babble but with more of an edge for snark/humor at times. So while I try to avoid anything super confrontational on here, it may be that you read my writing there and get a bit bristly at times. That’s ok! We can still love each other with prickles. ;) It’s simply a different direction to my writing and voice, and it helps me to branch out.

[Read more…]