Thoughts and Pics on a Friday

It’s 8am here, and Sam and Bella are still passed out in the beds, so I snuck out to get Charlie up and have a few moments to myself. I love having all of us home for long weekends like this one, but I also crave alone time during it as well. So instead of being cranky that I didn’t get a chance to write or drink coffee in silence, I carved out that time.

Maybe in my old age I’m learning some self discipline.

So what’s new – let me see. Well, coming home from California we had an oversold flight in Vegas. Bella and I gave up our seats for a flight an hour later, and scored two tickets to anywhere Southwest flies, anytime. That was pretty sweet.

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California Dreamin’

Gosh this place smells amazing.

Seriously. I think when you live in El Paso and you visit somewhere else – you realize how other places smell so good.

So we’re out in Santa Clara for my grandma’s 90th birthday. Bella and I flew out Thursday and, after delays and a nearly missed connecting flight, we arrived to a pretty sweet hotel here.

It’s so green and gorgeous. Growing up, we made the trip out here pretty frequently to see my extended family, so this area is like a second home. It’s different coming out here and then heading back to El Paso. There is a part of me that wishes we lived somewhere green and lush, and a part of me that wishes I’d not taken living in San Diego for granted at the start of our marriage.

I do know that a lot of that attitude had to do with me not being thankful/happy for much of anything. I was always searching for the next better thing.

El Paso has taught me such a valuable lesson about truly being able to be content and love where you are – not just long for where you wish you were.

That view comes from some very hard lessons and God – not my own specially smart brain. ;)

California 2

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Colorado Trip 2014

Some of you may have read about Bella being the flower girl at my sister’s wedding last week, but I wanted to briefly share here about our trip home. We had such a good time. Truly. Everyone was so kind and sweet.

There were times someone would sit with me and just talk on and on about themselves, their kids, grandkids, etc – and I would think, “Are we going to pretend my sons didn’t ever exist?” Then at the end, I’d get a squeeze and a whisper of, “I won’t say much because I don’t want to upset you but I have prayed for you and those sweet boys every day.”

And I realized – they didn’t know what to say either. Just like I don’t. We are all simply bumbling through this together, trying not to hurt anyone more and some times we accidentally do because we stay silent.

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The Life After

Tomorrow we leave for Colorado. My little sister is getting married and I’m the maid of honor, Sam is a groomsman, and… Bella is the flower girl.

So I hope you’re all ready to die of the cute in a few days.

I’ve spent today running around like crazy – getting her hair cut, picking up some last minute wedding gifts, grabbing the dresses, doing all the laundry, sorting and packing clothes/food/toys/and so.many.chargers.

Someone needs to invent a universal charger. For everything – phones, plugs, kid toys. It’s ridiculous how many things we have to have chargers for.

We have our sitter watching the house and pets. Except Charlie, he comes with us.

To be honest? As excited as I am for the wedding and trip home, I’m also really apprehensive. It’ll be the first time since Kaden died, and really since the twins died too, that we’ll be in a group of people we’ve known since Sam and I were both young – but haven’t seen in years. Some will have babies that will be one of my sons’ ages. I was pregnant alongside a few.

Everyone got a baby. But me. Again.

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Upcoming

This next month promises to be one that’s interesting.

Sam will leave tomorrow for 5 weeks, coming home once for a weekend. It’s part of training that most soldiers have to do each year, he’s missed the majority of them because each time it happens we’ve been in the middle of a crisis. I miss him terribly but after a couple of days Bella and I settle into our own routine. We keep busy that days go quickly.

I have some fun stuff coming up on the blog. I try to be careful how much I “promote” vs write on here, but days go by without me wanting to write a word. So I don’t. I try not to force myself into writing just because I should or I don’t want to do back to back giveaways.

Babble’s internal site has been down for 2 weeks so it’s been an unexpected break –  but also left me with writer’s block. I find that the more I write, the easier it is to. The less I do, the more stuck I seem to become.

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