The Unexpected

I thought I was coming down with the flu all of last week.

I’d been so busy that it never occurred to me not actually getting the flu wasn’t normal. Until Thursday night when I thought, “Just to be sure this is the flu…”

Turns out it wasn’t.  Oh Baby

We are very unexpectedly expecting a baby.

And I’m terrified.

We’re freaked out, scared, shocked, nervous, and even excited. Yeah, there’s no way not to be excited. This is a little life we created, and we plan on loving it just as much as Bella, Preston, Julian and Kaden – no matter what God has ordained for it from here.

But oh – my heart. I don’t know if I can take another loss again.

I’m not going to get in to how it happened, or why didn’t we do/not do – it doesn’t matter. We were certainly not trying and yet there is a baby – so we move forward from here.

I’m around 6 weeks, I saw my OB today who actually transferred me to the high risk OB at a larger hospital. There are a lot of risks with this, but not one of them is a definite risk. My last three pregnancies have been so different that there’s no pinpointing factor – not even ciHHV-6 is a certainty in Kaden’s death. We simply don’t know. I actually tapered off my Zoloft a few weeks ago, and am no longer able to take Zofran due to both the safety concerns of it and the fact that it could trigger an HHV-6 activation.

Which is slightly terrifying when you’ve had Hyperemesis Gravidarum all three past pregnancies.

I’ll meet with my new doctor in a week or so, and I’ve contacted the ones in Dallas that helped us with Kaden, as well as the HHV-6 foundation. We’re going to give this little one the best shot we can, and leave the rest in God’s hands. While I’d love to think of this as something unplanned and therefore bound to end happily – I’ve known from my own experience and others that isn’t always the case.

If you’d like to pray for something specifically (and I would love that), please pray:

  • For minimal sickness and hip pain
  • For wisdom and compassion for our medical team
  • For our anxiety as this pregnancy progresses
  • For Bella’s excited and nervous little heart
  • And for our ability to place this baby in God’s hands – knowing that He has already planned the days of its life

I don’t know what else to pray for, because the feelings of desperation are so heavy in me right now. I just really want a different ending this time. And there are no guarantees – except that God walks with us through whatever is planned.

Walk with us to a different ending this time Lord – please. Hear our prayers for this little one that you’ve given us.

From Skepticism to Love – & an Essential Oil/Diffuser Giveaway!

Young Living Oils Thieves and USB Diffuser Giveaway
Essential Oils – let me start this post by saying that I’ve been a HUGE skeptic of them for about the past year. Watching friends post on the benefits, rave on results – they were the fun cheerleaders and I was the emo chick on the bleachers wondering if everyone was on crack.

Interestingly enough, it was Sam who first introduced me to oils. Eucalyptus in our humidifier when we were all sick last winter. I fell in love with the scent of that running in our home. Then lavender for little cuts and burns. Peppermint cut with coconut oil for the non-stop headaches I had when pregnant with Kaden.

I tentatively started to ask about different blends I was seeing – what did they smell like? What could they help with? I was surprised to find that with some of the absolutely crazy claims I’d seen online (Cure Ebola! Beat Cancer! Send your child to Harvard at 3!) – the people I knew were honest about them.

They weren’t a cure all for things – but they helped. They smelled great. Oils added an extra layer of help to your routine of prevention/care.

Young Living Oils Thieves and USB Diffuser Giveaway

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Glancing Back – Moving Forward

Everyone has such catchy titles for their end of year posts. Mine just sums up how I felt today.

2014 was a difficult year for us. In ways that I haven’t written about because I just can’t yet. But even with grief, another failed adoption, etc – overall it was a year where things changed for the better. Are still changing for the better.

I have plans for 2015, and I regularly take them before God to make sure I’m not chasing paths and dreams I have no business pursuing.

Some plans are simply to continue what I’ve already started – homeschooling Bella. Going to therapy, and working on our marriage together. Figuring out how to still be a mama to three little boys I barely knew. Being a better, more present mother here.

Some are new, but have been on my heart for a while so I move forward with them.

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A Peek Into Our Christmas Day

Yesterday was magical. I couldn’t have picked out a better day for us. The night before Christmas, Bella opened one present (carrying on the tradition from my family), put cookies and milk out for Santa, wore the cutest Christmas nightgown ever, and took an hour and a half to wind down and pass out.

Christmas 2014

I sat up till 10 wrapping gifts and rearranging them under the tree, then hauling the world’s largest Stegosaurus out. [Read more…]

A Week of Ours

Sam is gone for the day, a shift at work. The Sunday’s he has these are hard because there simply isn’t much to do here. Bella and I are thinking of going to the zoo this afternoon to break up part of the day.

These past two weeks have been busy. Soccer started, Bella’s first game was Thursday. I seriously could not handle how cute that was – tiny ones running and sobbing about having the ball taken away from them.

soccer

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