A Week of Ours

Sam is gone for the day, a shift at work. The Sunday’s he has these are hard because there simply isn’t much to do here. Bella and I are thinking of going to the zoo this afternoon to break up part of the day.

These past two weeks have been busy. Soccer started, Bella’s first game was Thursday. I seriously could not handle how cute that was – tiny ones running and sobbing about having the ball taken away from them.

soccer

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On Homeschooling Bella

About a month ago, we enrolled Bella at the CDC (Child Development Center) a little ways down the road from our home. It’s an on post child care and early school program that is highly monitored and adorable to boot.

We’ve loved it. I have her going about 3 times a week for a few hours – either so I can work or be in therapy.

Bella's Classroom

A few weeks ago, one of the teachers approached me about her upcoming class for the school year. It’s a morning preschool/PreK and she thought Bella would be a great fit. She showed me her classroom and the teacher inside of me wanted to pack my bags and move in. It was so perfect, with a schedule for the kids I couldn’t have made any more delightful.

I went home and suddenly doubted my desire to homeschool. After all, it was only 8-11am. We could homeschool in the afternoons. I would have time to work and clean, run errands. Bella would be with friends in a wonderful environment and with a great teacher.

What pulled me the most was the thought of normalcy that would come with it. I could be a room mom. My daughter would be in a school setting. After all the things that we’ve had to work through, this would just look so normal to everyone from the outside. We could seem – ok. That was a very huge draw for my heart.

Yet. 

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Count It All Joy {or Trying To}

Today I woke up with the thought, “It feels like God hates me.”

It really does lately. Either He forgot about me, or He’s just having a grand time ruining my life while letting everyone else have a semi normal one. I don’t get it.

So many of you have reached out to me this week – thank you. Like each time we face some trial over the past 4 years, you guys are always there. I’ve been MIA from social media (and still am) because I want to focus on our family right now, with some writing. I did want to let you know that this didn’t involve a baby of our own, we have no intention of getting pregnant again because of the ciHHV-6 virus that my pregnancies activate.

Part of the mess involves an adoption we’ve been working on for the past 2 1/2 months, and the mom (due in October) changed her mind this past week. Totally unrelated to anything else we’re dealing with, but a big hit. We understood it was her right and choice, and I am hopeful that things work out for her and this little one, but it still hurts. It wasn’t something we pursued but rather came to us unexpectedly, and we moved forward in faith, trusting that God had a plan in it. We were waitingย to announce anything until the homestudy was approved, and it is. Finalized on Kaden’s birthday through a wonderful agency we’ve worked with since June. It approves us for any age of child up to a year younger than Bella.

That is one of the brightest parts in this all.

The rest is still being worked through, and again, unrelated to the adoption.

Anyway, in the midst of these thoughts of, “Why me, why us, why again do we have to go through more pain?” was the sudden realization this afternoon of something I’d prayed time and again these past few months. That Christ would do whatever He wanted in my life for His will. Whatever it took, that He would use my talents, time, mistakes, and humanity to further His kingdom.

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Hi.

I dislike vague blogs/posts/booking as much as the next person. But I’ve been silent on here for a little too long – and so you’re going to get that today.

Please pray for us. For our family, for Sam, for Bella, our life. We were going to come on here this week to share amazing news that we’d waited months to share, but in a horrible turn of events and decisions, we’re now looking at, yet again, a completely different life.

We are ok. We are safe. We are clinging to faith and I’m clinging to the hope that Jesus truly is the Great Redeemer because man – just when you think life can’t get much worse, it can. Oh friends, it truly can.

Be in prayer for us as we face some of the most trying, stressful, difficult days of our lives. Pray for wisdom in hard moments, for a reminder that true wealth lies in Christ and not our stuff, and for discernment in the days ahead.

Again, I’m sorry for the “Life just changed for the worse but don’t ask why” post, but I didn’t want to stay silent on here indefinitely. Besides – “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” I know this doesn’t mean our prayers will be answered, but God will be there.ย 

We need Him, and your prayers, here with us.

Thoughts and Pics on a Friday

It’s 8am here, and Sam and Bella are still passed out in the beds, so I snuck out to get Charlie up and have a few moments to myself. I love having all of us home for long weekends like this one, but I also crave alone time during it as well. So instead of being cranky that I didn’t get a chance to write or drink coffee in silence, I carved out that time.

Maybe in my old age I’m learning some self discipline.

So what’s new – let me see. Well, coming home from California we had an oversold flight in Vegas. Bella and I gave up our seats for a flight an hour later, and scored two tickets to anywhere Southwest flies, anytime. That was pretty sweet.

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