Sometimes

Bella at the zoo

There are some days lately – as I start to become less sick, less tired, a little more hopeful – that I look at all we’ve gone through in the past three years and all we are both facing and looking forward to in the upcoming months…

And I feel happy again.

Little bits. Tiny moments of joy where Bella sits next to me chatting, I knit, Sam and I talk, Charlie is on his bed at our feet, the cats are probably somewhere barfing. It all spins together and I feel just so fiercely proud and protective of what we have. Our memories, our hurts, our ability to come back together time and again. Sometimes I feel like we could face anything at this point.

[Read more…]

We Are Having A…

Friday our doctor’s office called us with testing results, I’d had the verifi Prenatal test (p.s. I have no affiliation with them, just linking since it’s rather new to the testing game) which is why we found out gender so early. Everything is fine – it doesn’t change the risk with ciHHV-6, but it does eliminate other issues or complications. That’s why we opted to do this, in case there was something that might be a bigger risk with ciHHV-6.

And then the nurse asked, “Would you like to know the gender?” It was one of those moments where the whole world stops for a second – you know whatever words come next are going to change your life. And they did. I started to cry and told her, “You just made my whole day,” and she was so excited – it was wonderful.

So then once we knew, and Bella knew we knew (and wasn’t about to wait to find out), I ran out and bought balloons, came home and searched for a box – finding the only one big enough but barely fit in. Then we realized my camera battery was dead. And once Bella opened the box, the jammed in balloons didn’t come out and Sam had to help her pry them out and I forgot to turn the phone the right way and then the video was a mess to try to clip together –

Bella Gender Reveal 1

Best laid plans y’all. So I scrapped it, did a short clip of her cutest moment, and found one of my favorite pics I snapped.

Ready? :) Turn up your sound, she gives a little squeal that melts my heart.

(not sure if it was because of the gender or just the fact that she loves balloons that.much.)

.

.

.
[Read more…]

Did You Know… #NationalSiblingDay

Did you know that my little sister Alyson is pregnant too?

She is. 13 weeks ahead of me.

It’s her and her husband’s first baby. It decided to be stubborn during her 20 week ultrasound so they’re still waiting to find out the gender.

[Read more…]

The Unexpected

I thought I was coming down with the flu all of last week.

I’d been so busy that it never occurred to me not actually getting the flu wasn’t normal. Until Thursday night when I thought, “Just to be sure this is the flu…”

Turns out it wasn’t.  Oh Baby

We are very unexpectedly expecting a baby.

And I’m terrified.

We’re freaked out, scared, shocked, nervous, and even excited. Yeah, there’s no way not to be excited. This is a little life we created, and we plan on loving it just as much as Bella, Preston, Julian and Kaden – no matter what God has ordained for it from here.

But oh – my heart. I don’t know if I can take another loss again.

I’m not going to get in to how it happened, or why didn’t we do/not do – it doesn’t matter. We were certainly not trying and yet there is a baby – so we move forward from here.

I’m around 6 weeks, I saw my OB today who actually transferred me to the high risk OB at a larger hospital. There are a lot of risks with this, but not one of them is a definite risk. My last three pregnancies have been so different that there’s no pinpointing factor – not even ciHHV-6 is a certainty in Kaden’s death. We simply don’t know. I actually tapered off my Zoloft a few weeks ago, and am no longer able to take Zofran due to both the safety concerns of it and the fact that it could trigger an HHV-6 activation.

Which is slightly terrifying when you’ve had Hyperemesis Gravidarum all three past pregnancies.

I’ll meet with my new doctor in a week or so, and I’ve contacted the ones in Dallas that helped us with Kaden, as well as the HHV-6 foundation. We’re going to give this little one the best shot we can, and leave the rest in God’s hands. While I’d love to think of this as something unplanned and therefore bound to end happily – I’ve known from my own experience and others that isn’t always the case.

If you’d like to pray for something specifically (and I would love that), please pray:

  • For minimal sickness and hip pain
  • For wisdom and compassion for our medical team
  • For our anxiety as this pregnancy progresses
  • For Bella’s excited and nervous little heart
  • And for our ability to place this baby in God’s hands – knowing that He has already planned the days of its life

I don’t know what else to pray for, because the feelings of desperation are so heavy in me right now. I just really want a different ending this time. And there are no guarantees – except that God walks with us through whatever is planned.

Walk with us to a different ending this time Lord – please. Hear our prayers for this little one that you’ve given us.

From Skepticism to Love – & an Essential Oil/Diffuser Giveaway!

Young Living Oils Thieves and USB Diffuser Giveaway
Essential Oils – let me start this post by saying that I’ve been a HUGE skeptic of them for about the past year. Watching friends post on the benefits, rave on results – they were the fun cheerleaders and I was the emo chick on the bleachers wondering if everyone was on crack.

Interestingly enough, it was Sam who first introduced me to oils. Eucalyptus in our humidifier when we were all sick last winter. I fell in love with the scent of that running in our home. Then lavender for little cuts and burns. Peppermint cut with coconut oil for the non-stop headaches I had when pregnant with Kaden.

I tentatively started to ask about different blends I was seeing – what did they smell like? What could they help with? I was surprised to find that with some of the absolutely crazy claims I’d seen online (Cure Ebola! Beat Cancer! Send your child to Harvard at 3!) – the people I knew were honest about them.

They weren’t a cure all for things – but they helped. They smelled great. Oils added an extra layer of help to your routine of prevention/care.

Young Living Oils Thieves and USB Diffuser Giveaway

[Read more…]