I’m here – just taking a break to recoup from getting a cerclage and still being sick on and off.

Baby is doing good! I was able to see it yesterday on a 3D at 15 weeks and everything is on track. We do know what this little one is but we’re not telling publicly yet. I just want to keep it a bit private for now, and we have zero names picked out.

And I want to do a really cute announcement.

Sam is home in 2 (2!!!!) days. We are so excited to see him again. It’s been nearly 7 weeks since he left for training in Georgia. Somehow this time has seemed longer than any other. I think it was just the onslaught of everything I had to do and then trying to figure out how to do it without him helping.

(more…)

5 days into Sam being gone, exactly 6 weeks to go. While the first few days were, shall we say, rough? We are steadily finding a bit of a rhythm around here.

While I miss him so much, there are parts of solo parenting for a while that I do like and have missed since his 4 months away in Georgia 2 years ago. (Can you believe it’s already been 2 years??)

One thing I’ve wanted to do is wake up early to write and have my devotional time with SheReadsTruth. But with Sam getting up at 5am and it being hard to get back to sleep, it was tough to pull myself out of bed before Bella woke up. Going to bed a little earlier means I’m up by 6:30 and spend that time quietly with a hot cup of tea at my desk. Like right this moment.

(more…)

The sitter we interviewed this week wanted a lot more hours than we really needed someone here for. We really liked her, but I just don’t need 20 hours a week. I don’t know what on earth I’d do with that much time.

So after agreeing that it just wouldn’t work, we’re back to the beginning. Sam leaves in a little over a week for 6 weeks. Our current sitter’s last day is Monday.

I’m not going to lie. I will do the ugly cry when she goes.

Not that I won’t miss Sam tremendously, but you all know. He works a lot, he’s coming home in March, I’m used to really doing most of it on my own. But our sitter has filled in those gaps for me to go to therapy, to the doctor, she’s always willing to take Bella for an evening so Sam and I can have a date night, and to have a morning where I can take off and write. She’s been so dependable and wonderful – blerg.

(more…)

It’s been a busy few weeks here. My parents came last week, and we had the best time. Really – it was so nice to just relax and talk with them. Bella was all in a tizzy over them being here, and my mom and her did a gingerbread Halloween house and made peanut butter bears.
(more…)

It seems to me as if life rarely slows for very long here. Which is a good thing in so many ways. Keeps us moving forward.

We are gearing up for some big changes, but until I can share them, I’ll tell you all what life is like around here this fall.

I’m getting into the swing of homeschooling Bella and love it. I spend hours pouring over books and sites/blogs to get ideas for our week. I have to admit, it’s a pretty special thing to get to watch your child learn and grow, knowing you’re going to be able to be there for the majority of those “Ah ha!” moments.

The other night we sat out on the back porch wrapped in a blanket and watched the stars, talked about the airplanes, and she brought up the babies in heaven. I want us to be that family, the ones who never hide what we went through together. That Bella grows up a woman who deeply understands the value of life and the love of a mother for her children, no matter how long they lived.

I have mostly good days but of course, some are harder than others. I have to say that seeing our counselor helps so much, I really want to encourage anyone who has lost a baby and thought about going to look into it. Screw the stigma and crap others might give you because of it – it’s amazing to have someone sit and listen to you for an hour about your children. As time passes, less and less people want to rehash it while some of us still need to for healing. My counselor (who also does play therapy with Bella) makes me feel like a normal, sane, right to grieve mom when I am with her. I’d pay anything to talk about my babies and work out my anger and emotions at it all.

(more…)