It seems to me as if life rarely slows for very long here. Which is a good thing in so many ways. Keeps us moving forward.
We are gearing up for some big changes, but until I can share them, I’ll tell you all what life is like around here this fall.
I’m getting into the swing of homeschooling Bella and love it. I spend hours pouring over books and sites/blogs to get ideas for our week. I have to admit, it’s a pretty special thing to get to watch your child learn and grow, knowing you’re going to be able to be there for the majority of those “Ah ha!” moments.
The other night we sat out on the back porch wrapped in a blanket and watched the stars, talked about the airplanes, and she brought up the babies in heaven. I want us to be that family, the ones who never hide what we went through together. That Bella grows up a woman who deeply understands the value of life and the love of a mother for her children, no matter how long they lived.
I have mostly good days but of course, some are harder than others. I have to say that seeing our counselor helps so much, I really want to encourage anyone who has lost a baby and thought about going to look into it. Screw the stigma and crap others might give you because of it – it’s amazing to have someone sit and listen to you for an hour about your children. As time passes, less and less people want to rehash it while some of us still need to for healing. My counselor (who also does play therapy with Bella) makes me feel like a normal, sane, right to grieve mom when I am with her. I’d pay anything to talk about my babies and work out my anger and emotions at it all.