I don’t even know how to begin posts asking for prayer anymore.
Don’t anyone worry – it’s not about something that’s wrong. Everything with me and this baby are ok. But, we asked our doctor today to refer us for a fetal echocardiogram (a detailed ultrasound of the heart that can also measure blood flow) to rule out cardiomyopathy. Her heart looks great on the bi-weekly ultrasounds – but again, so did Kaden’s. Always.
We weren’t sure what they would say, thankfully they all agreed that it was an absolutely legitimate request due to our history. It needs to be done fairly soon, so we should know by the end of this week/start of next if our insurance approved it, and if not – can we afford to pay out-of-pocket for one to be done.
Why I say I don’t know how to ask for prayers is simple – I have no idea what to ask for anymore. I don’t want to consider prayer the “magic lamp” of life, but it’s hard to get away from that mentality. If I pray right, things will be ok. Thousands of you prayed for Kaden and I’m sure covered about every possible thing, and yet… So that leaves me a bit empty-handed before God, shuffling around without words and wondering at times why I bother praying at all.
But here we stand again, believing that prayer is more than getting what we want, and knowing that some of you are deeply engaged in praying for us and this baby – and we love that. I often think of the people who told me, “I printed out what you needed prayer on this time around” – just wow. That moves me to tears.
As I thought of how to write this, my heart was prompted to share her name, so that those of you who are praying can use it.