Today I’m heading out to go see a midwife at a birthing center.

Can I be honest?

Before all of this with the twins and the hospital happened, I used to ADORE being at the doctor while pregnant. I loved having as many appointments as I could. Loved it all.

Maybe not the vaginal exams. But most everything else.

The moment that stick turned pink I’d be calling and setting an appointment asap.

This time?

I don’t even want to go. I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to be poked, prodded, scrutinized, nothing. If I could, I’d go in at 20 weeks for that one ultrasound and then have my baby alone in a field with Sam. Maybe with a bed. Grass can be poky.

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Even before we knew we were having twins, I knew it. Kinda. It’s hard to explain – but I knew there was something different about this pregnancy. In fact, about 7 weeks in I almost wrote a post on here admitting to having, “I think it’s twins” thoughts, but then I figured it was just hyperemesis again – only worse.

Still, seeing it on the ultrasound shocked me because it was a shock – and because I already knew. Subconsciously I expected her to show us another baby. I think I would have left feeling amiss if she hadn’t.

Anyway, hindsight always makes things clearer. Everyone always wants to know if I ever suspected it was twins, so here are the signs I felt/saw and then brushed off with a shrug: (more…)

So you all know we’re TTC with the FAM method (charting/temping). Since Dec. 8th I’ve hunkered down and started charting for reals. And this past week I’ve been:

exhausted

achy

bloated

hungry ravenous

having to pee all the time

gassy (that’s just plain delightful to Sam – payback honey)

irritable

breaking out like I’m 15

and I have sore boobs.

Sam is having the time of his life.

Obviously. As are we all.

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I take a little temp for you:

My chart is simply out of control. I have no idea what’s going on, and after talking to my girlfriend who’s temped for years, I’ve realized there isn’t a way to know. The Mirena has me all screwed up. I’m not even sure when this last cycle started because it stopped me from having real periods. I just had to pick a day.

Oh men. I am SO SORRY. Do not read anymore. ((hugs)) (more…)

One of my biggest regrets about blogging is not writing through my pregnancy with Bella. I started one, posted like 2 times and let it go. I was all about The Bump back then. This time around, I’m so excited to be able to track the journey – no matter the outcome.

But, I wanted to show you what last time around looked like. Because everyone says you get bigger, faster with the second. Or most people do. So friends. FAIR WARNING. (more…)