Sam

4 weeks 3 days pregnant {and how we all found out}

January 18, 2012 by Diana 57 Comments

Yes, I’m telling everyone very early about being pregnant (announced it here yesterday). I’ve gotten a few (non-evil) comments over how early I am, and while I don’t feel I need to explain (after all, it’s my body and Sam and I are comfortable with our decision) I kind of want to explain.

I found out last Thursday at around 11am. Bella and I had gone for a playdate to my girlfriend Tanya’s home, and I was feeling sick. She laughingly suggested I take a pregnancy test, but I knew the chances of me seeing a line at that point were slim to none. But I figured it couldn’t hurt and she had a few left over.

30 seconds later I was staring at this:

Water droplets - I promise.

My mind couldn’t quite wrap around it.

And then. I did what I vowed as a second time mother to be I would never do. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Pregnancy, Sam, Thankful · Tagged With: Motherhood, Things that make me smile

It’s all I can do.

January 10, 2012 by Diana 20 Comments

Sunday night I made The Pioneer Woman’s Tuscan Bean Soup with Shrimp, (yes it was amazing) and when I cracked open a bottle of dry white cooking wine, I suddenly had a flurry of memories wash over me as the faint smell of alcohol came up.

Sitting with a glass of red wine and watching TV.

Waiting in terror for Sam to drink.

Fighting with Sam while he drank.

The screaming. The throwing. The name calling. The tears and hurt and broken promises.

Over and over. 7 1/2 years. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Anxiety, Confessions, Marriage, Sam, Thankful · Tagged With: Control Freakishness, Paranoia

Zoo Photo Shoot

January 3, 2012 by Diana 18 Comments

Yesterday we headed to the zoo on Sam’s last vacation day. I took my 18-55mm telephoto lens in hopes of getting some practice in with a whole different setting. Bella loved seeing all of her animals, and it was gorgeous out. Sunny, which was strangely harder to take pictures in than the dark cavern setting.

With a toddler, it’s difficult to remember to get all the manual modes set, the lighting right, hit their face, get a blur, and find a great angle while still getting the shot quick enough. Sometimes it comes out a bit blurry or bright, but the only way I’m going to get better is practice.

Right? So here’s our day:

Hola.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Fun Times, Photography, Sam · Tagged With: Things that make me smile

I’m a mess. And I can’t stop it.

November 17, 2011 by Diana 36 Comments

I can’t shake it.

I can’t shake the feeling that somehow, this life I have is all going to come crashing down in a million pieces on me. Because I don’t deserve it. Because I’m a mess. Because no one lives without tragedy and somehow it’s my turn. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Army Life, Babies, Confessions, Marriage, Sam, Stress · Tagged With: Paranoia, Real life, Sleepless Nights

To my daughter on her 2nd birthday

November 15, 2011 by Diana 10 Comments

Bella,

Last night as I sat on your bed and brushed your hair away from your face, I remembered the time I first saw you. How small and red you were. How perfect. How your tiny hiccups that had been so precious in me were now happening in my arms.

I remembered your squinty little eyes as you tried to make sense of everything around you. How you snuggled up so perfectly to me. How I knew at that moment I was complete, I had my little girl.

Besties

These past two years have brought so many changes to our little family. From you being so sick with reflux, to me knowing I could stay at home, us stopping drinking, Daddy joining the military again, and two moves to end up in El Paso – where you seem to enjoy yourself more everyday.

You have little friends, “Key” holds a special place in your heart as much as you hate her to touch your toys. When you two hold hands, her mama and I crack up at the cuteness of it all.

Us knitting.

You are fascinated with the world. Everything needs to be asked about and explored. You have the sweetest spirit with things, always making sure not to hurt something on purpose – unless it’s the kitties. Their tails hold endless fascination for you.

Your signing is amazing, you do it so well it’s made my life 100x easier. We love to watch you recognize something and sign it to us before you even say it.

Trucks - your other love

When there is something off, you get it now. You crack up at things that are silly. And when I make the kitties dance for you. Much to their chagrin.

You know family and friends. Nana, Grandpa’s, Aunties – you love them all.

Daddy and I can’t imagine life without you. You are the joy of our hearts, the little being we look forward to seeing run down the hall each morning. We are so blessed to have you, to get to share your life with you, to be the guardians of it for a time.

Birthday presents.

I pray each night you will grow up a self confident, capable woman living a life of purpose. That you will one day have a daughter that you love as much as I love you. That you know I would do anything for you. That you understand how much Daddy loves you – he changed his entire life in hopes you have a better one.

We love you more than you can imagine.

Daddy and Mama

Filed Under: Babies, Family, Growing Up, Sam, Thankful · Tagged With: To Bella

Sunday Confessions: I Liked My Hospital Birth

November 13, 2011 by Diana 22 Comments

As Bella’s second birthday approachs (Tuesday! ::sob::), I’ve started thinking about the days leading up to having her.

I had a really special, personal, empowering birth with Bella – at a hospital. With an epidural. I know, right? Because so often nowadays we’re told that can’t happen. I had a doctor who was a breastfeeding advocate, a comfortable, private birthing suite, a whirlpool tub, and staff that listened to my thoughts and desires.

Well, one nurse didn’t want to – but I had enough knowledge and confidence about what I wanted that she eventually just let me be. And stopped suggesting I supplement with formula. 12 hours after giving birth. :/ [Read more...]