Morning Vague-Blogging

It’s 7am. I’m awake because I have a hard time falling back asleep when Sam leaves for work. So I’ve been up since 5am.

I don’t know whether to feel more sorry for myself or for him.

Ok. Him. ;)

Sleeping

Bella came in to snuggle as he left (she sleeps till like 9 lately – it’s insane), and I crept out to clean up the kitchen, make tea, and write. It’s lovely. I don’t know why I don’t do this more OH WAIT SLEEPING.

I’ve been quiet on here lately. There is a lot to say and yet a lot that can’t be said. I know. Vague-blogging. A place where this is supposed to be anything but. Isn’t a blog supposed to be open and uninhibited?

I went to see Mom’s Night Out a week or so ago with Emily, and loved it. Of course it starts with the main character convincing herself she is a mommy blogger, and at the end she just lets go and writes.

And I was jealous.

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Game Changer: Jena™ Monitor by Levana for the Sleep Resistant Child

Quiet time.

Nap time.

Just stay in your room for 45 minutes so I can have some silence time.

A few months ago Sam and I considered purchasing a video monitor for Bella’s room. I’ve written on here and Babble before about Bella’s sleeping habits. She’s a good sleeper – when she gets to sleep. There are nights when we can still hear her bouncing around and playing in there at 10pm, and we’ve put her to bed at 8.

When the Jena™  monitor by Levana came in the mail, I was really curious to see if it would make a difference. I’m able to see and hear her in the room, and also talk to her through the monitor.

Levena Jena Monitor-5

Which presented all kinds of fun for us.

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Sitter Interview Day

This evening we’re interviewing a potential new sitter.

Our current one has been with us over a year now. I honestly am having a hard time with her leaving, and so is Bella. She’s been here for the entire pregnancy with Kaden, the loss of him, and helped us with the aftermath. She stepped in to give my parents a break when they watched Bella as we took care of Kaden in Dallas, and then again to care for our pets before we came home. She’s been our date night sitter, our on call sitter, and made sure she was handling Bella’s questions correctly after Kaden died. She’s crafty and creative and does the dishes for me –

She’s amazing.

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4 Years Ago

4 years ago today I sat down on a clunky desktop and typed out this post. I was tired. I was bored. I was stuck inside all day with a 2 month old.

I missed writing and had been sucked into blogs by Beth Anne and Ashley‘s way of writing their lives for an audience.

4 years.

How long did I struggle with coming to terms of writing on here?

This has been a much different story on here than I imagined 4 years ago. I never thought I’d have documented almost losing our first home, watching Sam rejoin the military, a move to El Paso, or deciding to homeschool.

I’ve chronicled Bella’s life and her milestones, announced twins, an adoption, and another baby. This blog holds three of the start to finish lives of my sons. I’ve cried and grieved and railed against God. I’ve fallen in love with my husband all over again and again.

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Head Above Water

This is how I’ve felt the past few weeks. Like I’m out in a giant ocean of work/life/baby/life and am just treading to keep my head above.

It’s not all the time. But when it hits, it hits hard. Social media tends to dump it all at once. I can go weeks with nothing. My own blog and a few posts here and there, but some weeks everything comes in at once.

Our sitter has been gone to visit family since mid-April. She’ll be back next week and I can’t tell you how thankful I will be. Writing with a 3 year old is not an easy task, and by her nap I’m so tired I end up falling asleep as well – which is when I could work. As third trimester progresses, I find myself slowing down more and more. Partially because I’m huge. Partially because most of my treks are to the fridge.

Mostly because I can’t remember what I got up for in the first place so I wander around trying to figure out what on earth I was going to do.

Mostly that one. :)

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