4 Years Ago

4 years ago today I sat down on a clunky desktop and typed out this post. I was tired. I was bored. I was stuck inside all day with a 2 month old.

I missed writing and had been sucked into blogs by Beth Anne and Ashley‘s way of writing their lives for an audience.

4 years.

How long did I struggle with coming to terms of writing on here?

This has been a much different story on here than I imagined 4 years ago. I never thought I’d have documented almost losing our first home, watching Sam rejoin the military, a move to El Paso, or deciding to homeschool.

I’ve chronicled Bella’s life and her milestones, announced twins, an adoption, and another baby. This blog holds three of the start to finish lives of my sons. I’ve cried and grieved and railed against God. I’ve fallen in love with my husband all over again and again.

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She Reads Truth – Fresh Start

Tomorrow begins one of my favorite She Reads Truth plans: Fresh Start. If you’re a week into your resolutions and wondered what on earth possessed you to commit to 52 weeks of daily runs or a raw diet (hey now, you’re doing great ;) ) – let this study refresh and renew your sense of purpose and commitment to God.

She Reads Truth Fresh Start

Be sure to stop by the site for full details and ways to get our posts in your email daily. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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Find more of my writing here:

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Finding Comfort After Loss

Last May when I lost the twins, I remember feeling completely lost on how to find any type of comfort in my daily routine. For about a month, I backed off of everything I’d done prior that I loved – mostly writing other places.

When I started up again, I felt extremely guilty for talking about anything else but the boys. I felt bad for wanting to write at Babble and Military Family about something other than loss. I wrestled constantly with sharing my grief online, with any type of social media that I shared it on. I felt as if every time I said anything normal, everyone was going to wonder if I was “all better” or “over it” or the worst:

trying to gain attention from their short lives and the tragedy.

Even though very few people made any type of remarks making me feel like that, I still had the nagging feeling that grief and loss should be done alone. Private. And all enveloping – you grieved completely and totally or it wasn’t really grief. You did it every moment of every day and you couldn’t fathom doing anything else or it wasn’t really grief. You didn’t really love them that much if you could talk about anything else or wanted to share it publicly.
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One Year of She Reads Truth

Not long after losing the twins last May, I started with a women’s online Bible study called She Reads Truth. I felt rather lost, alone, desperate for a steady place to turn to read my Bible on a frequent basis but also learn and grow from that. I felt like I was sinking into a world where God was very far away and I didn’t know how to get back to Him.

SheReadsTruth

A year later, it’s been life changing.

I’ve been continually blessed by this community of women (and occasional men!) that study alongside me. Being asked to write with the other women was one of the highlights of my blogging journey – it has really forced me to question why and what I truly believe and how I can share that with others in a way pleasing to God. It’s also been incredibly humbling to write and know I’m responsible for my words and then actions – sometimes that can almost be overwhelming but I trust God knows my heart and you all definitely know I’m no where near a perfect Christian. The humanity/bound to fail thing really helps when I’m feeling a bit less than angelic. ;)

Like while writing this I just yelled at Bella to stop hitting the dog with the dog bed.

As we start a new study in the next few days, I’d invite you to join in with us. For just this time, or maybe ongoing. Read on your phone, download the YouVersion app that publishes our work, subscribe by email, and find our community on Facebook, Instagram with the #shereadstruth hashtag and @shereadstruth, and Twitter.

Thank you to those of you who support this group. The writers, the behind the scenes people, the commenters, the faithful prayer partners. I have been changed and blessed forever because of what God put in a few women’s hearts and then laid His hands on to bless. May our online presence be a gift to Him.

We’re hosting a vlog/blog link up today for our anniversary! Please feel free to join!

 

Head Above Water

This is how I’ve felt the past few weeks. Like I’m out in a giant ocean of work/life/baby/life and am just treading to keep my head above.

It’s not all the time. But when it hits, it hits hard. Social media tends to dump it all at once. I can go weeks with nothing. My own blog and a few posts here and there, but some weeks everything comes in at once.

Our sitter has been gone to visit family since mid-April. She’ll be back next week and I can’t tell you how thankful I will be. Writing with a 3 year old is not an easy task, and by her nap I’m so tired I end up falling asleep as well – which is when I could work. As third trimester progresses, I find myself slowing down more and more. Partially because I’m huge. Partially because most of my treks are to the fridge.

Mostly because I can’t remember what I got up for in the first place so I wander around trying to figure out what on earth I was going to do.

Mostly that one. :)

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