It’s fairly easy to talk myself into a “rational” state this pregnancy. For a while.
I will not get too invested. Invested just enough.
I will not plan for after.
I will not allow myself to daydream too much.
I will stay calm and practical about this all.
I will not be surprised by pain again. I will be prepared.
However that happens.
And then I feel baby kicks. I see her little face on the screen, her hands waving wildly. I hear Bella say her name, and watch Sam put his head on my stomach to talk to her. I carry her with me everywhere I go, my mind wanders to a nursery theme, cloth diapers, packing a hospital bag.