A Favor

So I have a favor to ask.

It’s easy and quick, promise. And it’s just for me.

Stitch Fix Maternity

I entered to win a maternity giveaway bundle (maternity clothes, baby items, etc) hosted by Stitch Fix, and I would love to have your vote. I’ve hesitated posting this for a few days because I wanted to pretend that we could totally afford buying a new maternity wardrobe since my clothes are literally falling apart after four pregnancies in five years. Or that we’re going to have no trouble buying all the things for this baby that we donated to other families last year.

But we are. We can’t afford either right now – the most pressing being maternity clothes.

Hence the lack of bump photos that I’ve (not) posted.

I’d really love to have this. For so many reasons. I understand how the odds are rather stacked against us in babies, but I’m trying to keep my hope alive for this little one.

So if you’d simply click over and hit “Vote” – I’d be forever grateful. It ends Monday and I need about 6,000 votes to win (it’s possible!!). If you’d like to share my entry as well, I wouldn’t hate that. ;)

Link: http://bit.ly/1I3CbLQ

Thanks so much <3

Building Castles of Our Own

This morning is a good one. I’m taking advantage of feeling human by studying, writing, and playing with Bella. It’s these kinds of mornings that give me a little reminder of how much my thoughts and frame of mind are affected by feeling sick all the time. It’s also a reminder that if I can hang on, I won’t feel the same forever.

Building Castles

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but when I feel sick for more than a day I start to irrationally think, “This is it. I’m going to be like this forever, nothing will ever get done, I’m always going to order fast food for us, let the house go and THIS IS THE END.”

Then I feel better and realize that’s not at all the case.

A couple of you offered up suggestions about letting school work go/taking a break for a while. I can totally understand how that looks like the best option when you’re reading how miserable I am!  Two things about that though:

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First Tri Thoughts


I’m here! I’ve just been really, really nauseated. I can’t say it’s as bad as my other pregnancies because eating does help, but only if I eat almost constantly and never let my stomach get empty. Ever.


Which really does a number on how I try to cope with inevitable weight gain.

Yes, even after all that’s happened, I still do think about the weight gain with this pregnancy.

So while I’m not throwing up, I do feel sick all day long. It’s awful. I’m miserable and trying to keep on top of school work and life – so I haven’t written here much for two reasons. One, I don’t have time. Two, being sick triggers a lot of depressive feelings in me, and I know everyone wants so badly to hear happy updates – [Read more…]

Little Updates

I’m in the middle of week 5 of school.

It’s going well. I’m expecting to be finished the end of this year or at the very latest the first term of next. I really, really like it so far and can’t wait to get into their Master’s Program. A licensed therapist one day – I hold onto that thought when balancing all of this gets a bit much.

I’m 8 weeks pregnant.

So far – morning sickness has been reasonable. Some days it’s worse than others (today is one), but it’s shocking to me that I am this far and can manage most days. I remember with Bella I’d have to pull over to the side of the road to throw up on my way to work. With the twins – well – with the twins I just wanted to die. I was so sick with them. And with Kaden – I just took the meds from 6 weeks on. I’d hoped it wouldn’t be as bad but I once I started throwing up, I couldn’t stop.

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One Day…

The receptionist peers over her desk at us, Bella heading into her hourly care class so I can get some work done at home.

“Does she have an older brother or sister?”

I shake my head.

“Just her?”

“Yes,” I say tightly, wanting to conversation to stop here. It won’t. I just know it. I brace myself for whatever bit of ignorance is coming next.

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