6 weeks pregnant

This week has been exhausting. And while I don’t want to be a complainer – I do want to be honest on here.

I.AM.SO.TIRED.

I can only remember being this tired the months after Bella was born. But for that I had a reason. She never slept and I had massive amounts of unnatural energy during the day that allowed me to clean nonstop and regret it at night.  [Read more...]

New Years Resolutions {with a link up!}

This year, I want my resolutions for 2012 to be different. More attainable, more natural with how I already live and what I know I can do. Things that nag on me that I want to change.

I refuse to put anything about losing weight. I’m just not going to set myself up for failure.

I also don’t want these to become “I didn’t do it so I failed” because if I don’t get to them this year, there’s always next.

And the behavior ones aren’t ever going to be perfect. So there’s that.

And on those high notes :p

For personal goals, I have these:
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Full Feeds and Posts via Email

Yesterday, I was emphatically told on Facebook that most of you dislike partial feeds in your reader and in your email.

I understand. I do. I dislike them as well, although I do have several bloggers that do it, and I love them so much I go over any way. But there isn’t anything nicer than curling up with a cup of (decaf ::sad face::) tea and reading The Pioneer Woman in the evenings on my phone.

As gorgeous as her site is to go to.

I think the hard part is, I love having people come over and stay for a while. I felt as if a full post in a reader would mean you’d never come back. Never see my site, the changes, the updates, or be part of the community we’ve formed. You’d read and delete.

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What 10 days without caffeine looks like.

The therapist said that I should have very limited, preferably no, caffeine until we get the anxiety under control. He said that is a major factor in reducing it.

I remember thinking, “Ok, no biggie. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything. And Starbucks has decaf everything. Easy.”

WRONG. [Read more...]

It’s All About Reaction. And Helmets.

It was one of those moments where your heart simply bursts with pride. Your child builds her first block tower after many attempts – and leaves it standing for more than 3 seconds.

I snapped a photo while coaxing Bella to, “Wait, wait just a second, then you can knock it down.” (The number of blurry shots I got while saying that…)

No, I did not put the Oreck in there on purpose but isn't is lovely?

After, she sent the blocks sailing with her hands and shrieks of joy at how far they landed. Picking one up again, she glanced at me with a smile. I knew something special was going to happen.

I was right.

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For the love of writing.

I have a confession to make.

Ugh. It’s not one I want to tell you but I have to. Otherwise this post is pointless.

I’m still in school. :/

Like, not as getting a Master’s (yet). As in getting a Bachelors.

Now, if you’re wondering how on earth I taught school with no degree, the answer is: It was a private school. So they knew me, how far along I was in school, and that I’d already taught at a Pre-K level and offered me the Kindergarten job when it opened up.

And I’ve never bothered to mention it on here because it seems as though everyone has already done this, and that’s just the way it’s supposed to happen. School, marriage, career, babies.

I’ve never been very good at playing by the rules. I’ve never wanted the perfect suburban life, not really. I wanted adventure and to see new things. Which is great because in the Army the chances of being settled in one place for long are not in my favor. :p

So I went back to school after years of being a nanny, and chose teaching. For a while, I loved it. But after I got pregnant with Bella, everything changed. I didn’t feel the same way about teaching I had before.

Then I started to blog. And the thought of teaching was even less appealing. I still had to student teach, which I put off as long as I could. But it was scheduled for this winter. 3 months in which Bella would be in daycare, I would be a slave to a school, and I wouldn’t have time to write. I dreaded it every single day.

Dreaded.

After I wrote the post “I think I know” I realized I was on the wrong track. I did not want to teach. I want to write. Desperately. There has been no way for me to make writing all I want it to be with the degree I was in. I wanted to throw my whole life track to the wind and start over.

So I did.

I talked to my (ever patient) school mentor and we switched my degree to one without student teaching. It was such a huge decision that I felt a little sick doing it (I’ve been on this track for so long), but then like a huge weight had been lifted off me.

Then came the next decision; our family size.

Sam and I had been talking about more kids – adoption, pregnancy – for a few months now. We could never agree about having another and when – we both went back and forth since I had such a hard pregnancy and first year with Bella.

We decided in order for me to write and really throw myself into freelancing and networking, we needed to wait. There is no way I can see trying to do this and either having hyperemesis again, or trying to deal with the ups and downs of adoption, or dealing with 2 little ones vying for my attention. It’s not fair to them either. So until next year, that’s on hold so I can focus on writing and find a path in it I feel steady on.

I’m excited. I have blogged on a consistent basis for 18 months, I’ve written since I was a little girl. This is what I want to do. I don’t know how to go about it but I bought a few books, sent off a few work samples to the magazines I love, and hope that by going to BlogHer I’ll learn even more about it.

I’ll (of course) be updating how it’s all going. And I’d love to hear any suggestions on how to go about freelancing, writing, being published, or just networking (which I am terrible at) in general.

And? I get to tell people I’m a writer. For reals. Finally.

I can’t even explain how that feels. I’ll be a WAH mom. Maybe I’ll need to update my Twitter name. ;)

Now to get down to the real writer deal and past the excitement of just “being” one. You can’t use excitement to buy groceries.