It won’t be like this for long

The Waiting Game and Spontaneous Combustion

June 29, 2011 by Diana 12 Comments

We found two homes through the same realtor that we love. Really love. Like – “they would be nice even in Colorado” love.

And we’re supposed to hear back tomorrow on them because they had other applicants. I’d love to post pics but I didn’t get any while we were there (Bella had small meltdowns, took to rubbing her paci in the dirt, and freaked out about going in a strange home). I can’t pull them offline because we don’t get service on the laptop in our hotel room, and only occasionally on our cells which is where I blog from.

But the one we love is cute and clean and in a sweet neighborhood – I’m praying so hard we get it. So hard.

Because if I have to spend one more night in this hotel with the scalding hot/freezing cold SURPRISE! shower, the hairdryer that blew flames out the first (and only) time I used it, the bed sheets made out of same material as the curtains, the door that sticks and must be opened by barreling full speed into it, the cat litter box 3 feet from our bed that they decide to all take a dump in at once at 2am (every.single.night), the pack n play that Bella refuses to nap in and wails “Up, moe (more), caca (cracker)” while signing furiously in hopes of being taken out, the screaming kids that run up and down the sidewalk at night, the church groups that banged on a drum and yelled prayers at the sky for an hour (where was the lightning then God, huh?), that it’s been 102+ every day since we got here, the puke stain on my side of the floor from Bella, the fact that I got food poisoning yesterday and then so did Sam and Bella was a mess because neither of us could bear to get out of bed for more than a few minutes, that we got a double bed (really?) instead of the queen, and that our TV gets 8 blurry channels and 2 of them are in Spanish – one more night here…

And I may indeed spontaneously combust.

That would be a shame because I’d really like to be here when we get a house. In one piece and burn free as well.

And while I understand I need to be thankful (and I am), right now I need to write this to find the humorous side of the mess we’re living in.

P.S. I lied: I have a pic!! Thank you iPhone for phone shots.

Filed Under: Fun Times, Moving, Stress · Tagged With: A funny, It won't be like this for long

I did it.

June 14, 2011 by Diana 29 Comments

3 1/2 months ago I put on my big girl panties and decided to make the best of being a single parent for a few months.

Sam comes home this Thursday. A whole month sooner than we planned (military life at it’s finest). We currently are moving next week with no where to live, losing $1,000 on this apartment because we weren’t able to give enough notice (60 days? really?), and had to pay for him to come home since the Army would only pay for him to go to El Paso. Also? Doing a DITY move because we didn’t have enough moving notice to have the Army do it for us.

::whew:: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Growing Up, Marriage, Sam, Thankful · Tagged With: Daily Life, It won't be like this for long, Motherhood

Emptying my Thoughts

May 3, 2011 by Diana 15 Comments

I’m laying here in bed. I was trying to get to sleep early but there is too much running through my head. So I’m trying to write it out here.

I’m tired. Physically, I am worn out. Bella wakes up between 6 and 6:30 every morning. God knows why. It’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed to get her and start the day.

I do love being with her. Our days consist of trips to the park, Gymboree, museums, Target, and tomorrow the Children’s Botanical Gardens. But by the end of the day, I’m worn down. I’m short tempered and watch the clock – and I don’t like that. I try to give her my best every day but I end up feeling like I half assed it most of the time. The guilt of never measuring up to the ideal mom weighs on me. As stupid and unrealistic as that is. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, Moving, Sam, Stress · Tagged With: Daily Life, It won't be like this for long, Motherhood, Moving, Sleepless Nights

Somebody’s Mama

March 22, 2011 by Diana 19 Comments

I take Bella to the park and watch her run around the sandbox. Gingerly she walks on the shifting grains, then with a quick look at me to ensure it won’t swallow her up, she runs full force into it.

Next up is the jungle gym. Across the wooden boards to the slide. I panic and run to where I can grab her as she tries to fly headfirst off it, and catch her to giggles that seem to say, “Yay! I almost gave you a heart attack!”

A squirrel catches her attention and she chases it. Calls of, “BITTA BITTA BYE YI YI YI GA BABA” aren’t convincing enough for him to stop so she can grab his tail. Bella sobs as he runs up at tree and gives him the teary look of I thought you and I could be friends.

She pauses to watch a little girl on the swings. I scoop her up and put her in one, only to have her grab my hands and whimper. I slowly rock her back and forth as she holds on, and glance at the woman next to us. Her little girl looks up at her adoringly as she pushes her. I smile as I think of how quickly these times pass.

I glance down at Bella to see the same look, and in that moment something comes over me. I am flooded with memories of watching moms play with their kids at the park. I remember being a nanny and knowing the looks of complete adoration were saved for their parents. I remember wondering how that would feel one day.

And as I stand there, with Bella’s little hands in mine, squeezing so tight and her eyes fixed on my face, I realize I’m there. I’m one of the women on the playground whose child loves them more than anything in the world.

I’m somebody’s mama. It’s the most humbling, overwhelming, sweetest feeling in the world.