Paranoia

It’s hard to write.

October 4, 2011 by Diana 33 Comments

I’ve had a tough time writing on here lately. Really writing. I feel like everyone I know is listening and reading. Which is and isn’t true. Many people I know don’t read this. Many people do.

I am so keenly aware of it though that it’s beginning to hold me back from what I write about. And I hate that.

I have a few things I want to write and I feel if I did I’d hurt someone’s feelings. It’s nothing personal, but it does intertwine with things others are going through or have said. It could easily be taken as personal.

So I don’t write it.

This bothers me. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Blogging, Confessions, Opinions, Random, Writing · Tagged With: Blogging, Frustration, Paranoia

Speech Therapy

June 9, 2011 by Diana 23 Comments

Lately, I’ve been reading your blogs and every so often, something catches my eye that gives me a pause of, “Really? Just like that?”

And it’s your child’s speech. I see someone post, “So then Carter said, ‘Daddy bye’” and I think, “But he didn’t *really* say it like that, did he? Like, not anywhere that clearly.”

But then I hit another blog. And see it on Facebook. And hear my friends chat about what their kids are saying.

It kept nagging at me, but today it slapped me in the face that something was off as I sat in the waiting room filling out Bella’s 18 month check-up form. (And she’s close to 19 months but we’ve just had a lot going on.) [Read more...]

Filed Under: Growing Up, Parenting, Stress · Tagged With: Frustration, Motherhood, Paranoia, Real life, Reasons to save for for therapy

Sunday Confessions: I hate drains.

June 5, 2011 by Diana 9 Comments

I am terrified of drains. And when I say terrified, I mean so scared that even looking at one under the water makes me feel all shaky and freaked out.

Pool drains are THE WORST. I have never, ever, in my life, gone within 10 feet of a pool drain on purpose. And the one time I did I near had a heart attack trying to get away from it. I can’t swim over them, near them, or within eye sight of them. Each pool I get into has to be checked for a drain to avoid first.

Sam swore there were no drains in the Georgia pool, but I knew better. And sure enough, I walked by the pool the next day and there were three frickin’ drains. I never went in the deep end again. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Confessions, Stress · Tagged With: FAIL, Paranoia, Reasons to save for for therapy

Just a little…off

May 24, 2011 by Diana 1 Comment

Today I’m writing for the Mental Health Rally hosted by one of my BlogHer roomies, Miranda at Not Super – Just Mom. (And she is super, don’t let the title fool you.) May is Mental Health Awareness month, and Miranda is awesome about being a real advocate for that.

I’m writing on a more subtle type of depression, one that isn’t usually spoken about because it’s brushed off as “baby blues” or needing more sleep, or just being a (excuse my French) total bitch. But it never raises any really big red flags. It just slowly ruins your life while appearing normal.

————————————-

There is a long history of depression in my family. It ranges from slight to severe, and I’ve learned how to recognize and deal with it in many loved ones over the years. Their depression has often been the cause of major changes in my own life, and walking on eggshells wondering what will tip them over.

So in watching this happen, I’ve also learned to fear it. The fear of ever being so far gone, so sad, so lonely, that you simply can’t bear to be yourself anymore. I’ve done everything I can to make sure that feeling doesn’t take hold of me, yet sometimes it has.

When my husband joined the military this year for the second time, I began to worry about how I would handle being alone for first his training (20 weeks) and then his eventual deployment overseas. I’d already done it once before at the height of the war in Iraq and spent nine months a complete wreck. I knew now having a daughter and being responsible for her, I couldn’t do that again.

As high strung and moody as I am, it doesn’t take a lot to ruin my day or tip me over. I’m not the easiest person to live with either. I wanted to make sure that (while I’d never be close to perfect) I was the best *me* I could be to support my husband and care for our daughter.

I did a vlog about bathing suits. My face got stuck in “DESTROY” mode.

May 16, 2011 by Diana 23 Comments

I have a question for you all about bathing suits and being a mom. I need some help. Badly.

Yes, the face on this frame is awful. It looks like I’m going to eat the iPhone or breathe fire. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Stylin' · Tagged With: A funny, FAIL, Paranoia, Vlogs, Weight woes

Screw it all.

May 9, 2011 by Diana 15 Comments

Isn’t that title super lady-like? I thought so. Very klassy.

But that’s how I feel about this whole diet/weight thing lately. I feel like as women, we’ve been trapped into a vicious cycle of diet, celebrate, binge, regret, and repeat. Our whole lives. And we put everything on hold until we “get there”. Thinner, toner, tanner.

And I’m tired of it. [Read more...]